


I’m Fine (A Malec AU)

by AngelDemonx



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Anger Management, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, F/F, F/M, Hurt Alec, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Nightmares, POV Alec, Panic Attacks, Past Character Death, Supportive Isabelle Lightwood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-03-09 16:34:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13485468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelDemonx/pseuds/AngelDemonx
Summary: Alec Lightwood was 13 when his mother died in a car accident. His father never learned to deal with the loss and became an abusive drunk. Years later, tired of his father’s abuse, Alec fought to gain legal custody over his siblings. When he managed to win the case, Alec thought his life would finally fall into place.Oh, how wrong he was...(I’m horrible at descriptions, but if you guys are interested, read the first chapter to find out more!)





	1. We’ll be Alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is more like a prologue, the next chapter goes more in depth on how Alec has managed to raise his siblings since a young age. I’m going to warn you guys that this story will contain physical and mental abuse, but I will warn you when that will be featured in a chapter so you guys are aware. There is also mentions of self-hatred and troubled thoughts (but it’s all mostly from the effects of the abuse). I’m not sure if Magnus will make an appearance almost immediately or if it will be a few chapters before he shows up, but I just want to cover a few things on the story first before I jump into the more interesting stuff (it will help to make things better to understand).  
> Anyway, enjoy and do please feel free to give your opinion!
> 
> P.S. All credit goes to Cassandra Clare ;)

Alec was startled awake by a shrill scream coming from somewhere in the apartment, soon followed by an incredibly loud laugh.

"Isabelle!" He heard Jace yell angrily. "Stop laughing, it's not funny!" With a sigh, Alec stretched and jumped out of bed. It was ten minutes before his alarm was supposed to go off, and seeing as he hardly slept last night he really needed those extra ten minutes. Yet apparently his loud and obnoxious siblings had better plans for him.

"Oh come on, it looks fine!" Was the first thing he heard as soon as he opened his bedroom door. Just in the hallway he saw Izzy leaning against the bathroom's door frame. Alec paused as he stared at her, he couldn't help but notice the clear resemblance between Isabelle and their mother. Isabelle Lightwood was just 17 years old, and even at such a young age she was more gorgeous than any girl he's ever met before. She has soft long black hair that runs down to her waist, and dark brown eyes that can so easily be mistaken for black if it not were for that gold glint to them that was just so similar to Maryse's own. Although many people said she and Alec looked very alike, he couldn't help but disagree. Sure they did share the same slender eyebrows and the same pale high-colored skin, but she was more Maryse than anyone else. Compared to most girls her age, Isabelle was very tall and slim, something Alec noticed that she found annoying at times. Then again, Izzy was not like most girls, and her height was merely the physical representation of that. Ever since she was a little girl, she amazed Alec with how smart she was. She wasn't just incredibly intelligent, she was great at listening and understanding things kids her age shouldn't even know about. As she grew up it was easy for her to portray narcissistic and vain characteristics that hid how kind-hearted and insecure she could really be. She always had the best intentions at heart, and she was always more than happy to play a motherly role for Max and Jace whenever Alec couldn't. Isabelle was special, fiercely loyal to those she cared and loved, and Alec knew his mother would be so proud of the woman she's growing up to be.

With a shake of his head, Alec cleared his thoughts and walked closer to the bathroom. There he saw Jace staring wide eyed in the mirror, his hands running frantically through his frizzy hair. Stifling a grin, Alec leaned against the other side of the door frame. "What happened to your gorgeous quiff, Jace?" He asked teasingly, to which Jace glared at him while Izzy laughed.

"He mistook my facial mask for his hair wax." Izzy giggled, and Jace simply groaned in frustration as he lowered his head down the sink to wash his hair. Alec chuckled before telling them both to hurry up before they were late to school, _again_. He really didn't need another call from their teacher complaining about their tardiness.

After a quick shower, Alec got dressed in his work clothes and walked down stairs. They lived in a really small apartment, although it was two floors and had three bedrooms, they hardly had any space. The kitchen was too small and didn't fit more than three people at a time, the living room had only enough space for a decent sized sofa and a TV they managed to push into a corner, and upstairs the hall was too narrow and the rooms too small. Alec had to work extra shifts for a whole month just so he could get Jace and Max bunk beds so they wouldn’t have to be sharing the same twin bed. Despite it all, Alec loved it. Actually no, he hated the place! He had no privacy and their neighbors made so much noise all the time he never could sleep more than five hours anymore. But after all the stress and the constant voice of his father in his head telling him he'd never make it on his own, he managed to put a roof over his siblings heads, to put food on the table, and to make sure they had everything they needed. They lived a comfortable life, no matter how tired Alec was by the end of the day, he couldn't find it in himself to complain, because it was all worth it.

"Good morning." Alec smiled, looking up from the stove where he was making some French toast, to find his younger brother Max walking in with a tired look in his face. Max was just nine years old, but his small frame made him seem like he was around seven. His hair, unlike his and Isabelle's, was a soft brown that laid messy on his head and slightly covered his gray eyes. Max has always been a heavy sleeper, he could fall asleep anywhere if he was feeling even the slightest bit tired. It was amusing to watch, to say the least.

"Hey, food is on the table." Alec waved to their 'table'. It was more like a small counter that separated the kitchen from the living room. There were four high chairs on the side of the living room, in a way to get more free space in the kitchen which hardly helped at all. He sighed, they really needed to find a new place, but with the amount of money he made and the little help they received, he didn't think that would happen anytime soon.

"What happened to Jace's hair?" The boy asked, a mouthful of food. Alec watched as he took his glasses from his pocket and put them on. He chuckled silently at the sight, his glasses just seemed too big for his face.

"You know Izzy's black face mask?" Max nodded, his face scrunching up in disgust. Of course he knew what he was talking about, Isabelle made all of them wear the mask one night for fun. Jace had argued and Max whined in protest, but Alec had simply resigned and allowed her to apply it on because he knew how determined Isabelle was, and there was no way she would change her mind once she got an idea set. The mask felt weird and runny, and it had an odd smell that he wanted so bad to get rid of. Though, whenever he tried to wipe some of the black substance off his nose, Izzy would slap his hands away and threatened to tie them down. "Well, Jace grabbed it thinking it was his hair wax." He continued. He heard Max snort before the noise of footsteps running down the stairs filled the room. Izzy sat next to Max, ruffling his already messy hair affectionately before grabbing a plate and starting to eat. Jace however, walked into the kitchen and grinned at him, waving proudly at his hair.

"My gorgeous quiff is back." Alec rolled his eyes. He was only 9 years old when his parents adopted Jace, meaning the younger was just 6 at the time. At first both boys didn't really like each other, Jace thought Alec was too broody and quiet, and Alec thought Jace was to loud and annoying. Months went by however, and soon both boys were inseparable. They became best friends that it made Izzy jealous of the attention her older brother was giving Jace and not her. Now, many years later, Jace was 18 and on his last year of high school, yet he was still the loud and annoying little brother Alec remembers first meeting. Just like Isabelle, Jace was extremely attractive. He has curly blond hair that he usually likes to wear styled neatly up. His eyes on the other hand, were a golden brown, eyes unlike any he has seen before. Not only did he have attractive face features, Jace was often described as strong built and extremely handsome - both by his girlfriend Clary - yet he had to admit she was right. He would never ignore the fact that his siblings were all extremely good looking, a trait he just never saw in himself.

"Good for you." He snorted. "Now eat, we have to leave in less than ten minutes." Jace chuckled and rolled his eyes, muttering a 'yes mom' under his breath jokingly.

It was twenty minutes later when Alec was finally able to round them all out of the apartment. He dropped off Max first, the younger being their closest stop. Then he drove to the high school, surprised to see that for the first time in so long they were early enough to still see students scattered around the place chatting with their friends. He watched his siblings walk over to Clary and Simon, the red-headed girl immediately latching onto Jace like a koala. He chuckled, knowing his brother and sister would be fine. After so many years, he could finally say they were _all_ fine.


	2. Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is based entirely on Alec’s relationship with his friends. You will see that I mention someone - I won’t say who but you guys are smart ;) - quite a bit throughout this chapter, however he’s not coming into the story yet. Next chapter you will see more Jace, Isabelle, and Max, and hopefully Clary and Simon (I’ll try to start including them in more). After that, get ready because the actual story will begin ;P

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All credit goes to Cassandra Clare.

"Well look who finally decided to show up!" Alec rolled his eyes, not even looking up from the binder in his hands. "Come on, Lightwood! Cheer up, it's a nice morning!" Aline Penhallow was a childhood friend of his, she is of half-Asian descent with curved cheekbones and dark brown almond-shaped eyes. Her hair was black and short, reaching slightly past her shoulders- yet it used to be shorter. Alec always thought she was very pretty, and he wasn't the only one who thought so because there were many people who would agree with him.

"What's nice about it?" He asked, only half joking as he dropped the binder on the counter and went to clock in for his shift. They worked at a small cafe close to his apartment. It payed a reasonable amount of money despite not having many shifts, yet he still had to work a second job in order to be able to pay his bills.

"What's _not_ nice about it!" She laughed. That's what he loved about Aline, no matter what she was always cheerful in the mornings. It was both annoying and envying. "Alright, grumpy pants,” he rolled his eyes affectionately at her, “I'll tone down my excitement. It's just Helen texted me that she was dropping by later to pick up a few orders for her boss and his coworkers."

Helen Blackthorn has been Aline's girlfriend since they were in high school. Alec met her in biology class and they immediately hit it off, and before he even knew it he was inviting her to have lunch with him and his small group of friends. He likes to tease both girls that if it were not for him, Aline and Helen would've never met - which was a joke because he knew those two were meant to be together no matter what. "She had to work today?" He asked, opting to make conversation seeing as the cafe was rather empty.

"Yeah, something about Mr. Fell's other assistant not being able to show up because she was sick or something. Who cares! I get to see my girlfriend today!" Alec laughed.

"You literally see her every day." He pointed out, eyes still locked on the binder as he completed a few more math problems he had been assigned for homework.

"So!?" She scoffed. "I can't help it, she's the love of my life." She replied, exaggerating her tone of voice slightly. Yet Alec knew she was only speaking the truth. Both girls loved each other so much.

"Hmm, you guys sure are annoying." She gasped, feigning hurt. For the next hour all Alec heard was the constant chatter as Aline went on and on about why she and Helen were perfect together and no love would ever beat theirs. He was more than happy when the bell to the door jingled, alerting them of a customer, _the_ customer that would save him from this horror even for a few minutes. As he expected it was Helen, she was always very punctual. If she said she would be there in an hour, then she'd _definitely_ be there within the hour. Her word _truly_ is her bond. Helen was pale, almost as pale as he is. Her hair was a gold blond that fell in ringlets down her back, moving swiftly with every step she took. She was beautiful, but what Alec loved most about her were her eyes. They were a blue-green that reminded him of a waterfall in a bright green forest. That was the kind of blue he liked, not the boring dull color of his own eyes.

"Baby!" Aline ran to her girlfriend, engulfing her in a bone crushing hug. Alec winced, thankful he wasn't Helen right now. "Omg this is great, come on, you have to help me convince Alec that you and I are perfect. Can you believe he said we were annoying?!" She scoffed, pulling a smiling Helen behind her. She had a fond grin on her lips as her girlfriend rambled on, and Alec looked away, feeling like he was intruding on such an intimate look. "Of all things, you and I are _not_ annoying."

"Ignore him, honey. He's just jealous because I took his best friend away and now you love me more than him." She said, sticking her tongue out at him teasingly. Alec did the same, a roll to his eyes and a smile on his lips.

"Please, feel free to take her with you." Alec joked, only just a _little bit_ serious. Helen smiled sympathetically, seeing right through his exhausted eyes and forced enthusiasm. They both knew of his past, of everything he's been through and everything he's fought for. They knew so much, and stood by his side during the good and bad of it all. But Helen was always better at readying through his lies, she always knew when he was trying to hide how tired and difficult it all got sometimes. Balancing school, and two different jobs, as well as raising two teens and a toddler was too much to handle, and no matter how much he told himself he didn't mind and that he loved his life just the way it is, he sometimes wished things would've been easier from the start. And he couldn't help but feel guilty, even when Helen and Aline tell him it's completely normal and okay.

"Ali, babe, could you please make me these drinks?" She said, handing her girlfriend a list of coffee drinks. The latter nodded and bounced off to the machines. Helen took the opportunity that they were alone to lean closer to Alec, both on opposite sides of the counter. "What's wrong?" Alec started to shake his head, but it only caused her to raise a hand at him to stop. "Don't you dare lie to me. Something's bothering you, so tell me what is it?"

The thing was that Alec really didn't know what was bothering him so much. Sure, he was tired, he hardly slept anything because he spent most of the night studying for his exam tomorrow. But apart from that everything was great. He hasn't seen or heard from his father in one year. Jace was finally bringing his grades up after so much nagging from both teachers and their social worker. Izzy was already applying to universities and was getting more and more excited to start her senior year. And Max, well his nightmares have become less frequent, the therapist lowered his medication, and he was talking more. They were getting by, and it's all he could've wished for. So he told all this to Helen, and he knew Aline was listening, because she had ears like a hawk.

"Honey, I'm happy things are finally falling into place for you guys, but I have to ask, what about you?" Helen asked, the question leaving him confused.

Aline showed up, placing two cups of coffee on a holder before placing a hand on his shoulder. She noticed the confusion in his eyes so she elaborated. "You told us how your siblings were improving, how they were managing to push through and be happy after everything you guys went through. But what about you? How are _you_ managing?" He gulped, feeling a lump in his throat that he couldn't get rid of.

"I'm just happy they're happy." Both girls smiled sadly, and Aline sighed before going to make the other drinks. Truth is she couldn't bare see the broken look in his eyes, he was too blind to see that he too deserved to move on, that he deserved to have aspirations of his own and that his happiness did not just depend entirely on his sibling's own. For many years Alec raised those three kids, for years all he did was give everything for them, and now, it's like he didn't know how to do anything else.

"Sweetie, what do you say we go out tonight? Just us three." Helen said, which earned a squeal from Aline.

"Yes! Oh my god it’ll be so much fun!" She bounced over, which didn't seem too safe as she was still holding two very hot cups of coffee on her hands. She settled them on the cup holder and hugged Alec excitedly. "We can go for dinner and then go to the fai-!" She stopped halfway, realizing what she was about to say.

"Dinner and skating, great idea babe." Helen said through a slightly forced smile. Alec pretended not to have noticed and nodded, winking at Aline in a reassuring way. He couldn't even think about the fair, it just brought along too many memories, heartbreaking memories that still haunt him in his dreams to this very day.

"It's settled then," Alec laughed, allowing Aline to hug him tightly as she squealed. "I'll just pick up some pizza on my way home from Raphael's shop so Izzy and the guys can eat."

"Great! Now I really have to go, Mr. Bane is probably cursing my name right about now. I told him I'd only be a minute." She grimaced innocently and took the coffee in her hands after laying a $20 on the counter.

"Mr. Bane?" Aline asked, walking around the counter to accompany her to the door. "The one you told me about the other day?"

Helen laughed. "Yes, the same one. He was nice enough to offer me a ride today...." After that, Alec stopped listening. He looked down at his binder to realize he had finished his math problems so he decided to start getting ready for rush hour. The cafe was usually quiet, except when the lunch rush started and workers as well as students showed up demanding their cups of coffee. Alec liked it, because it gave him something to do and it kept his mind busy. Maybe tonight would help him clear out his mind and try to figure out what was bothering him so much. And if not, then at least he will get to spend the night with two of his favorite people.

~

"I don't care who you are or what you think!" Alec frowned, standing up from the comfortable chair and walking out of the office to find Raphael arguing into the phone. "I am not doing this, not even if you embarrassed yourself by begging me! Which we both know would be a sight worth seeing."

Confused, Alec decided to wait until the conversation was over and ask what was going on. Raphael was waving his hands around dramatically, something Alec knew he only did when he was really annoyed. He took in how greasy he was from all the oil and dirt of the cars he had been fixing. Raphael Santiago has dark black curly hair that fell on his face in a way that slightly resembled Max's, and he had honey-colored skin that made his dark eyes stand out more. Although Raphael seemed young, he was a year older than Alec, a fact often found difficult to believe by others. They both first met in welding class during 8th grade. They were forced to work on a project together- something neither of them was very happy about. But as they got to know each other, they began to realize they were alike in many ways. They didn't work well with other people, they enjoyed peace and quiet, they were both very sarcastic (though Raphael beat him to it), and they both were good at hiding their real feelings underneath the surface. They became close friends, and they grew even closer after everything Alec went through with his family. Raphael and him also seemed to share similar pasts from which they only wanted to run away from.

"Because no, Magnus, I'm not helping you do this." Alec squinted his eyebrows at the unusual name. He had never heard such a weird name in his life before, and he's already heard a few _really_ bad ones. It's not that it was bad however, he just found it very unique. "Because!" Raphael sighed in frustration, turning around frantically as he looked for something- yet Alec was not sure what. When the older boy's eyes locked with his though, Raphael's eyes lit up. "Because I already have plans." The older waved him over, staring at him pleading. "Um, my friend and I, we're- we're..."

"Hanging out with Helen and Aline." Alec whispered, low enough so the voice on the other side of the speaker wouldn't hear.

"-hanging it with Helen and Aline! Yeah I almost forgot I already had plans. Anyway, too bad Magnus, talk later bye!!" He quickly hung up the phone, grinning at Alec widely. "Thanks man, I thought I'd never get him to shut up."

"Who was that?" He asked, hoping he didn't sound too nosy. Raphael only shrugged and went back to lean down into the hood of a car Alec knew nothing about. His job was to handle the financial and legal matters of the business, while the cars were all Raphael's responsibility. It worked out perfectly, seeing as the older boy knew nothing about managing a business.

"An old friend of mine. I love the idiot but he's just too much." He chuckled. "He wanted me to take a girl from his office on a double date with him." This cause Alec to burst out laughing while Raphael grimaced.

"Does he not know you're gay?" Raphael has always been openly gay since Alec can remember. However, to most people, the fact that he was into guys was not too obvious, so he constantly had girls all over him, something they both liked to laugh about. He was never afraid to be himself, something that inspired him years later into come out to his own family and friends. Raphael was always so supportive of him, and helped him when things with his father got too hard. He was one of the best friends he could've wished for.

"He does," the older nodded, lifting his head up slightly to gesture behind Alec at a few tools. "Hand me that wrench will you?" Alec turned around and stared dumbly at the tools, unsure of which one was a 'wrench'. "The one just in front of you, dumbass." Raphael laughed, rolling his eyes at his friend's stupidity over tools. Then again, this is why they made the perfect team, Alec was book smart, while Raphael had the skills of a mechanic, just like his uncle taught him.

"Here." Alec handed the _thing_ \- he had already forgotten the name of it - over to him, sighing when Raphael left some oil on his hand when he went to take the tool from him. "So he doesn't care you're gay?"

"If you mean if he's supportive, then yes, he is. But the idiot doesn't care as long as he impresses this girl he wants to go with." It didn't sound right to Alec. Was this Magnus guy just planning to take these girls out, and flat out lie to one of them, just so he could get in the poor girl's pants? It pissed him off, he didn't know the guy but he already didn't like him much. "I've done it in the past, he used to refer to me as the perfect wing man, because even though Magnus _is_ extremely attractive, he would say that with my 'chick magnet looks' it was perfect to get girls."

"He doesn't sound too great." And Raphael laughed, a full on laugh that had him holding onto the edge of the car.

"Most people get that impression." He finally said, "but he's a cool guy, and this whole playboy facade was from when he was in college. He's just trying to find someone to settle down with these days. But honestly, he's just really stupid when it comes to dating." Alec hummed, letting him know he was paying attention. Maybe he was judging this Magnus guy wrong, and he really didn't know the guy nor will he ever know him so it really wasn't any of his business.

"Anyway, dinner with Aline and Helen is actually a real thing. I'll text Aline and tell her to make the reservation for four." He said, already turning to walk back into the office.

"I never said I was going!" The boy protested, but Alec simply leveled him with a look.

"Please, like you have more important things to do." Both of them rolled their eyes, a very comical sight.

"Whatever." Raphael shrugged carelessly and turned back to the car. "But tell those girls we better not be going to a gay club afterwards!"

Alec laughed, nodding in agreement. "Trust me, theres no way we'll have a repeat of that."

"Thank god.." and just like that they both set to work on their different tasks. Alec liked times like these, in which they would play music in the background while Raphael fixed cars and Alec managed the paperwork. It was relaxing, and Alec really needed this. Too bad at some point it all had to come to an end.

The phone rang, and Alec answered almost immediately, thankful for the distraction from the numbers in front of him. "Santiago's Workshop, how can I help you today?" He hated having to address like that every time he answered the phone, and it didn't make it any better when Raphael teased him about being so formal. But answering with a simple 'hello' just didn't seem right when you were trying to run a small business.

"So you still work at that nasty workshop, huh?" Almost immediately, Alec froze, recognizing the voice perfectly. He thought about hanging up, and he was about to when he thought better of it. He knew Sebastian would only insist if he did so.

"What do you want?" His voice wavered towards the end, and he really hated himself at the moment for it. He couldn't let Sebastian think he still had a hold over him, even if it was true.

"Is that how it's going to be from now on? You pretending to hate me, while I try to fight for us." Alec scoffed, fighting back the tears that were threatening to come out.

"I'm not pretending, I really _do_ hate you." He heard Sebastian's laugh over the phone. It was a laugh he once found so beautiful, but now it made his stomach turn in all the wrong ways. They met when Alec was 17 and in high school, while Sebastian was already 20 and in college. Sebastian would always show up to the cafe where Alec worked at with Aline. For weeks all the boy did was flirt shamelessly with Alec, causing the boy to stutter and blush embarrassing. It was no secret how inexperienced Alec was in these type of things, and it didn’t help that he was extremely shy. But Sebastian seemed to love it, unfortunately it took Alec and his friends a long time to figure out that the only reason he did, was because he saw Alec as an easy target to manipulate however he wanted. Sebastian was Alec’s first and only boyfriend, he was his first love and his first heartbreak. It was painful to fall for someone so hard and then realize that there was no one waiting to catch you. Sebastian was twisted, he didn’t love anyone, and sometimes Alec had the feeling he didn’t even love himself. He hated how weak he was around Sebastian, hated how easily he was manipulated, but most of all, he hated himself for still loving him despite it all. Alec sighed into the phone."What do you want?" He repeated, wanting to get this over with.

"Just wanted to hear your voice, it's been a while." And if Alec didn't know any better, he would've said the man sounded almost sad. But he knew Sebastian was incapable of _feeling_.

"It hasn't been long enough to me." A chuckled broke through the phone. "Just leave me alone." He silently begged.

"Oh, I will." Alec frowned, unsure of what he was hearing. Of course Sebastian would never just agree with him, the older boy was like a child, always needing to get his way no matter what. "For now." He continued. "But a time will come when you'll be mine again." Before Alec could curse at him, the line cut off. Leaving him with a huge lump on his throat.

"Hey Alec, can you call Mr. Ree-," Raphael paused, taking in the blank look in his friend's eyes. Knowing perfectly well something was wrong, he ran to Alec's side, kneeling down in front of him and taking his hands. The younger of the two seemed unfazed by the sudden movement, and it worried Raphael even further. "Hey, Alec! Look at me, calm down, deep breaths okay? Can you do that?" Alec shook his head, seeming to only half listen to what he was saying. Raphael frowned, taking his face in his hands. "Yes you can, now breathe." He helped the boy take in deep breathes, breathing in and out along with him in an attempt to prevent a panic attack. It seemed to work, because a few minutes later and Alec was finally breathing normally on his own. "Damn kid, you scared the crap out of me."

"I'm sorry." Raphael breathed out a laugh, shaking his head sadly.

"Don't be, it'll be okay." Minutes passed and neither of them moved. Raphael kept brushing Alec’s hair off his forehead softly, his eyes locked on his sad blue eyes. The other boy simply tried to avoid his sight, embarrassed and too emotional to face him.

"Sebastian called." And as soon as the words were out of his mouth, Raphael tensed. His hold on Alec tightened, and he pulled him into a bone crushing hug. "He- he said-."

"I don't care what he said." Raphael replied harshly, but Alec didn't seem faced by it at all. "I'll kill him if he tries to get close to you." That earned him a soft laugh.

"Sure, and then you'll recruit Helen and Aline to hide the body and we'll all end up in prison." It seemed like a ridiculous scenario, so Raphael laughed along.

"True, but I'm serious," the older continued, "he won't hurt you again. I won't let him."

Alec didn't have the heart to argue with him. To say that when Sebastian wanted something he got it no matter what. So he nodded, allowing himself to be comforted in the tight embrace. "I know you won't." And it was true, Alec knew that Raphael would do even the impossible for him. He'd do the same, because they always had each other's backs, no matter what.

He was really glad to have Raphael in his life, because otherwise, he would've never made it without him.

~

Alec couldn’t seem to remember how many drinks he’s had. For some reason he had stopped counting after the round of shots he and his friends had decided to take. He actually had no idea whose decision it was to take tequila shots, but he really wasn’t complaining. After dinner, Helen and Aline decided that ice skating could be pushed for a different day, and so both girls rounded them into a cab that took them to a club called Pandemonium. Raphael suggested it, saying it was the only place he really liked and that if they wanted him to join them, they would have to go to the place he said. Everyone had rolled their eyes at the boy’s snarky attitude but agreed nonetheless. So here they all were, sitting on a booth together and talking. Well they were mostly having random conversations that just seemed to pop out of nowhere, but no one was complaining. They laughed and teased and danced with each other, blocking the whole world out and not caring about anything but this specific moment. It wasn’t until Helen and Aline left to dance in the middle of the whole crowd that Raphael nudged Alec softly.

“You okay?”

It was like for once, Alec could finally breathe. His mind wasn’t constantly swimming with thoughts about what Jace would get in trouble for next time, or if Izzy was doing her homework instead of texting Clary and Simon or watching fashion videos on YouTube, or whether Max took his pills tonight, and how long it would take this time before the poor kid woke everyone up with his nightmares. Alec was happy, he had amazing friends who stood by him through thick and thin. Aline was his childhood best friend, the girl he and his siblings grew up with, who knew everything about all his secrets and never told anyone. The same girl who helped him through his mother’s death, and the abuse of his father. Then came along Raphael, the boy who helped him come of his shell even if just by a little, who gave him courage to be himself in front of the people he loved the most. That only person who could understand what he’s been through, because they have shared similar pasts. Raphael, the boy who picked him up every time he was kicked right down. And finally, there was Helen. Beautiful and kind Helen. The one who could smell a lie from miles away. He never could lie to her, she knew him too well in just such a short amount of time. She was the sweetest girl Alec had ever met, always kind to people even when they weren’t too kind to her. She saw the good and bad in everyone, and she never aloud impressions cloud her judgement. Helen always liked to say that Alec had the truest heart she’d ever seen on anyone, but he couldn’t help but disagree, because Helen had the most _pure_ heart he’s ever seen, she was special in ways he could only hope to be.

“Yeah,” he smiled at his friend. “I’m great.” Raphael stared into his eyes intently, almost trying to see through them for any sign of a lie. When he saw Alec really meant it, he grinned, and pulled the younger/taller boy to the direction he saw Aline and Helen walk towards. Alec laughed when he saw both girls waving them over excitedly, they laughed and latched onto him as soon as they arrived.

He smiled, of course he was fine, he would always be as long as he had his friends by his side.


	3. Miss Missing You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First of all I’d like to apologize for the late update, I got so busy with all this other stuff and I had to restart the whole thing because I didn’t like how it was turning out, but It’s finally here!
> 
> As you guys read on, you'll find out more about the Lightwood living situation. It's pretty much just a really long chapter with an attempt at angst and humor, however I do try to explain a few things a bit further. Like Jace's anger issues (the idea occurred to me and I thought perhaps it could make things more interesting...), a brief mention of Max's nightmares, Izzy's determination to pretend to be strong, and Alec's struggles to balance it all. You will see how Alec has been managing financially as well (which I'm sure is not important as this is just a story and what not, but I thought I'd clear it up).
> 
> Anyway before you guys read on, I will like to point out that I do NOT in any way, shape, or form am okay with people using the word fag (or any other derogatory insult for that matter).
> 
> With that cleared, good news is that in the next chapter I’ll most likely introduce Magnus!!!! ;)
> 
> P.S. All credit goes to Cassandra Clare.

_"Mom!!" Alec was screaming from the top of his lungs, he couldn't hear his mother, couldn't even see her through the whole mess. Somehow the car kept turning, and it felt like forever until it finally stopped. "Mom.." his voice was hoarse, his breathing quick, and there was a horrible pain running through his body anytime he tried to move. He groaned, ignoring the throbbing feeling in his head and his blurred vision as he undid his seatbelt and crawled around broken glass, searching for his mom. He noticed the car was turned upright, yet somehow, Alec felt like the whole world had been flipped upside down. It was a horrible feeling that kept eating him up from the inside. "Mom!" When he finally found her, he noticed her face was laying against the broken steering feel, and her arms had fallen limp to her sides. Alec was terrified, he had never seen so much blood before in his life. So he got closer, as much as he could without hurting himself with the glass or other broken pieces laying around. He pulled her head back, gently and with soft hands, he really didn't want to hurt or cause her any more pain. His eyes widened when his mother's big dark eyes stared openly at him, but they weren't looking at him at all. "Mom, Mom I'm here." He shook her shoulders gently, but he received no response. "Mom!" He cried, feeling tears run down his cheeks. "Mom, wake up! Get up! Please, wake up!" He could hear the sounds of an ambulance in the distance, the noise of screaming coming from somewhere around him, but he couldn't leave her side, he wanted to be there when she woke up. Alec didn't want her to feel afraid. "Wake up!"_

Alec woke up with a gasp, puffs of air coming out in breathless pants. Jace snapped back immediately, bringing his hands up to show him he wasn't trying to hurt him. They've had a lot of bad experiences in the past whenever they woke him up from a nightmare, and Alec never knew how troubling it was for them until Max started having those terrifying night terrors of his.

"You were screaming," Jace frowned, sitting down on the edge of his bed. The blond reached out a hand gently, and brushed back the hair that had sticked on his forehead from the sweat. Alec simply sat there, staring at the wall as he tried to calm down his breathing.

"Did Max- is he okay? Did he hear?" Alec's eyes met his brother's gold ones. The younger shook his head, smiling comfortingly at him.

"Izzy took him downstairs as soon as we heard, she's making him watch cooking videos with her." Jace chuckled, trying to lighten up the mood slightly. Although Alec could still see the worried look in his eyes, he decided to ignore it. His siblings needed him to be strong, so that's exactly what he will do- even if it's all pretend.

"God, is she trying to make breakfast again?" He whined. Isabelle loved to cook, she enjoyed making dinner or breakfast on special occasions or just whenever she felt like doing something nice for them all. The thing was, that she wasn't very good at it. Their mother - Maryse - was a great cook, but she never had a chance to teach Izzy since before their mother's death, the girl was too young and _very_ clumsy. At just 9 years old, Izzy was never allowed in the kitchen without supervision, she was a troublemaker- much like Jace was - and she often ended up breaking something or setting things on fire. Alec smiled warmly at the memory of an annoyed Maryse pushing his small - yet determined - little sister out of the kitchen, telling her to watch TV and not break anything. He loved those type of memories, filled with nothing but love and adoration for his family, back when everything was great.

Alec pushed the covers off him before standing up, Jace doing the same. "I'll be right there, tell her to get dressed for school." He said over his shoulder, as he made his way to his bathroom. "And tell her and Max that I'll be picking you guys up after, we're going out."

"Really?" He turned around to find Jace staring at him in disbelief. "Do we have the money for that?" It was no secret how tight money was for them. After Alec got full custody, their father cut off all contact with all of them. He refused to give them any financial support - which frankly Alec could care less about, he never gave a damn about his money anyway. But this wasn't just about Alec, in order to raise three kids, he had to swallow down a lot of pride and brace the beat downs he received along the way. But Robert could never do that, he was too prideful, his image was too important to him. So of course, he refused to help them- even after Alec tried to talk to him and sort out some form of agreement that allowed Robert to still see his siblings. He didn't care, he had lost and Alec had won. Robert would never be satisfied with a compromise, he wanted it _all_ , for the sole purpose of getting his way.

"I made a few savings." Alec smirked, because this was a surprise he had been waiting to give them. They didn't go out much as a family since they could barely make money for rent and utilities. They had help, from their uncle Maxwell Trueblood- their mother's brother. He reached out to them the day of the funeral- and although they had never met him before, they all warmed up to him fast. Anyone could tell how much he cared about Maryse, but many family disputes had set them apart for so long, explaining why Alec had never seen or heard about him before. When their uncle found out they were on their own, he set up a bank account to send them money every month. Alec was very thankful for that, because it not only kept their social worker off their back, it also helped Alec convince Jace that he needed to finish school instead of getting a job. Alec never wanted them to struggle like he did, he wanted them to have the life he never could, a normal teenager life. "We'll go ice skating, Aline and Helen will be there, and I was thinking Simon and Clary could join us as well."

"Are you serious?" Jace was dumbfounded, his eyes wide and shining with excitement. But just as quickly as he noticed it, it was gone, replaced with a frown. "Maybe you should save it. You know, in case we end up needing it. We don't have to go out, we can just stay and watch movies, perhaps order some Chinese."

"I already have money in my savings, so don't worry about it." He stared at Jace until he saw the worried look disappear slowly, and then finally the blond smiled softly. Alec chuckled, "Just go tell Izzy and Max." He laughed, waving him out of his room before closing his bathroom door. The last thing he heard was Jace running out of the room, heavy footsteps running down the stairs as he yelled for Izzy and Max to hurry and get dressed.

He smiled, today should be a good day.

~

Alec helped Max change out of his white converse and into skating shoes. It was difficult to get the kid to sit still when he kept jumping up and down impatiently.

After school was over, Alec picked up Max before driving over to the high school, where his two siblings were waiting for him along with their friends. He then had Izzy text Aline to tell her they were on their way to the ice skating place. Alec had to admit, he hates skating. He's always been horrible at it, constantly having to hold himself up by the edges in order to keep himself from falling on his face - which has happened a lot to him in the past. Either way, he still knew the others would find it fun, since they all really enjoyed skating.

"Helen! Ali!" Alec snapped his head up only to see Max running as fast as he could towards his two best friends. The kid almost stumbled from having forgotten he was wearing the skates, but luckily Helen was quick to grab him. She had experience with clumsy children after all, having a total of six younger siblings ought to make your reflexes quick.

"Hey Max!" Aline yelled, engulfing the boy in a hug. She was a hugger, something Alec was not very fond of from when they first met. But he got used to it anyway, and even grew to love the affectionate gesture. "It's been a while, how's school so far?" Max scrunch his face in disgust, causing Alec to snort.

"We don't mention school on the weekends." He grumbled, pursing his lips in his usual pout.

"But it's Friday.." Helen trailed off, only to receive a raised eyebrow from Max, almost as if he were daring her to finish that sentence. Alec really hoped she took the hint, because Max would rant for the rest of the night if he had to. And although he loved it when Max talked - since it just proves that the kid is happy and comfortable - he really didn't want to hear him go on and on about this, _again_.

"You're right sorry, no school talk." Aline cut in, raising her hands in mock surrender. "What do you say we get going to the rink?" As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Max turned around, looking at Alec for permission. Excitement was clear on the boy's face.

"Go on, I'll be right there." He smiled encouragingly, and the younger grinned as he grabbed Aline's hand and dragged her along.

"He looks happy." Alec stood up, his eyes not leaving Max. He _did_ look happy. Moving from side to side, laughing and shrieking excitedly, and talking incredibly fast without a care in the world. It was all Alec wanted in life, for his little brother to _always_ be this happy.

For the next hour Alec stood against the edge of the ice rink, not letting go for any reason whatsoever. Aline and Helen were with Max, dragging him around and talking to him about who knows what. If it was anyone else he would be worried that they would get tired or annoyed of looking after the kid, but Helen and Aline _loved_ Max, they never once complained about having to watch over him, in fact they often insisted. It allowed Alec to feel more at ease, knowing they would take good care of him, and even if he were to accidentally get hurt, he was sure they would know exactly what to do.

He took a minute to glance around and found Izzy and Simon racing each other, seeing who could reach the opposite end the fastest. Of course Alec had his money on Izzy, the girl was a great skater, while Simon was the clumsiest person he's ever met. Simon Lewis was a geeky kid, always wearing big black glasses and weird T-shirts with logos or references he didn't understand. He has brown hair and eyes, and Alec found the best way to describe him was; tall, thin, and _very_ awkward. Alec liked him though, even if he would never admit it to his face. Simon was quiet ( _sometimes_ ) much like Alec is, and he didn't like to get in trouble - something Clary and his siblings were _very_ good at doing. He often voted for a quiet night in while watching movies rather than going to those parties Jace and Izzy always dragged him to.

"You cheater!" He heard Simon yell from a distance, followed simply by his sister's laughter. Isabelle crashed beside him, holding herself by the edge, panting. Alec allowed her to lean her head against his shoulder, laughing despite the fact that she was having a hard time breathing regularly. He chuckled when Simon arrived, much slower than Izzy had. "Your sister's a horrible cheater." He grumbled, sticking his tongue out at her.

"And yet you _just_ realized that." Alec grinned, and ignored the indignant gasp from Izzy.

"Please!" She scoffed. "You guys are simply sore losers."

"Oh are we now?" Simon cut in, a teasing grin on his lips. "Because if I recall correctly, it was _you_ who threw the monopoly board out into the pouring rain just because Jace had bought Boardwalk before you could." Alec laughed, remembering that night clearly. It was so many years ago, Alec was 15 and Robert had gone on a business dinner with a few potential business partners. Like usual, he left Jace, Izzy, and Max on his charge, although he seemed to have _forgotten_ Clary and Simon were staying over for a sleepover as well. It was already 12 o'clock and Alec had gotten Max into bed, but there was nothing he could do to get the others to sleep as well. Which is why he had to resign and play a few board games with them to pass the time. An hour later, and Izzy had gotten a bit _too_ competitive after losing to every single game they had played. Jace - who enjoyed pissing people off - noticed this and immediately started to tease her. He got every single place he knew the girl liked, and when he landed on Boardwalk, Jace ignored the warning glare from Izzy and Alec's pleading eyes to not do what he knew he was planning to, and then bought the property. What happened next surprised even Izzy herself, because she had tossed a bunch of little houses to the blond's face before taking the board and running to the front door. They all followed, Alec worried that she would run out and get sick or most importantly, lost. But the girl had just thrown the board out before closing the door and stating she was going to bed. It was an experience none of them would ever forget.

"Oh right," Alec chuckled. "I remember how sad you were the next morning because we would have to buy a new one."

"Sure, go ahead and make fun of me," She rolled her eyes. Alec could tell she was getting annoyed. "At least I made Jace afraid of me for a whole week." Simon and Alec burst out laughing, both seeming to remember Jace hiding whenever Izzy was in the same room as him. It took Alec having to sit them both down and make them apologize to each other before they started talking again.

"You're right, that was definitely worth being yelled at by your dad." Alec forced a smile, he couldn't help but disagree with Simon. Unfortunately, he hadn't had the same fate as they did when Robert found out they had not only been up that late, but also ruined the board game. Yet of course they knew nothing about that, and he planned for it to stay that way.

"It definitely wa-"

"Guys!" Almost in sync, Izzy, Simon, and Alec turned their heads around, spotting Clary and Jace who were skating over to them.

"Where the hell have you two been?" Izzy asked, raising her eyebrows teasingly.

"Aww trust me little sis, you don't want to know." Jace winked at her, but the smirk on his lips quickly dropped when Clary slapped him over the head. "Okay... ow." Alec saw his brother's girlfriend roll her eyes at him. 

"Stop being a baby." She said, but the fond smile on her lips was proof of how much she loved his pain in the ass little brother. Alec liked her - well, he has to admit it took him a while to warm up to her at first, but once he did, he learned to love her as a little sister. Clary Fairchild was a really sweet and smart girl. When Alec first met her, it was because Isabelle invited her over to their house so they could play with her tea party set back when both girls were just 5. They had met at kindergarten, and their quick childish friendship had brought Maryse and Jocelyn Fairchild- Clary's mom- close to great friends as well. Clary was very similar to her mother, with the same curly red hair, short slender figure, the brightest green of eyes, and a face full of freckles. At first, Alec found the girl a bit of a threat. She would steal away the attention of Izzy and Jace when they were children, but that's all it was, childish jealousy. He grew out of it of course, accepting the red-headed girl in his life only to realize how special she was and how much he'd grow to care about her. She managed to make all of them laugh on more than one occasion, but unfortunately she also got them all in trouble quite a few too many times. She was adventurous, and she never took 'no' for an answer. And honestly, Alec was very proud of that. "Helen and Aline got hungry so they asked if we all wanted to go have dinner with them."

"Thank god, yes!" Alec sighed, relief running through him because he couldn't handle another second in this place. "Jus get me the hell out of this damned ice." He pushed himself forward without a second thought and crashed straight into Jace's side, the blond quickly having to balance the both of them. For a second Alec almost tripped, his feet moved around frantically as he tried to find some sort of balance that he almost caused Jace and him to fall on their backs. They almost did if it hadn't been for Simon who swept Alec's free arm over his shoulder and helped him up.

"I'd make a joke about how you just reminded me of Bambi, but you'd probably punch me in the face, right?" Simon smiled innocently, causing both Clary and Izzy to laugh from behind them. Alec glared at him, allowing himself to be dragged across the ice towards the exit.

"I'd punch you either way." He rolled his eyes, and this time it was Jace who laughed. They both tended to bond over making fun of Simon. Which by the way Alec would like to clarify, it's not like they were outright mean to the kid, in fact, Simon was perfectly capable of defending himself - which he's done a few times in the past. Alec definitely had to give Simon some credit for the great comebacks he sometimes came up with.

"Does that mean I can make fun of you then?" Alec glared at him, which quickly shut the kid up. Once they arrived at the exit Alec finally felt like he could breathe. He would never admit it but ice skating made him feel anxious, he hated not being able to feel the steady ground beneath him, it was like he was walking on a tightrope and would fall at any second.

"Finally!" Aline yelled, raising her arms dramatically as he made his way to her. "I hope you're happy Lightwood, because I'm hungry now and I get pissy when I'm hungry." She tossed his shoes at him and basically pushed him down on the bench.

"Oh trust me, I'm aware." He chuckled, which only seemed to annoy her. Aline huffed and walked away, taking Max's hand and dragging him to the vending machines.

"So.." Jace trailed off, already tying the laces to his shoes on. "What's for dinner?"

~

Dinner went by nicely. Helen and Aline had steak, Max ordered a burger with fries, Clary and Izzy shared a large plate of pasta, Simon had a weird burger that seemed to be a complete mess of grease and spices (Alec had no idea how the teenager was even able to swallow that thing down), and finally, Jace and Alec ordered ribs after much insistence from their waitress to try them out. In all honesty Alec couldn't tell the big hype about them, they just tasted the same from any other restaurant.

"Alec?" The table fell silent and everyone turned to the sound of the voice. It was a man, probably in his early 50's, clean shaved beard, perfectly combed hair, and a really nice (and possibly expensive) suit that Alec would never in his life own. He had an arm wrapped around a beautiful woman wearing an extremely tight red dress, and somehow, he just knew they had just recently met. Alec couldn't recognize the man, but there was definitely something familiar about him that he just couldn't wrap his head around. "Wow, it's really you! Alexander Lightwood."

"I'm sorry, who are you?" Alec has always been a shy and nervous person, especially so around people he didn't know. Which explained why right now he felt cold sweat forming in the back of his neck from all the attention being on him.

"Funny how you can't remember me." He laughed. It wasn't a nice laugh, in fact it just made him feel more nervous and confused. "I'm one of your father's business partners. I was there in court with him when you swayed that pathetic jury with that sob story of yours." And suddenly it was like all the missing pieces in his brain were finally coming together. Of course, he remembers him clearly now. Andrew Thompson is not only his father's business partner, he's also Robert's closest thing to a best friend.

"Right, Mr. Thompson." Alec nodded, and out of the corner of his eye he could see everyone had tensed at the mention of their father. From across the table sat Jace, who worried him the most at the moment. Mostly due to the way the blond kept tightening his fist on his fork.

"That's right," the man chuckled darkly, and the woman beside him smiled at them, seeming not to notice the tense atmosphere. "You know, you're father apparently failed to tell me how smart you are. I mean, in all honesty he usually just rambled on about you being a fag, but I think he should've at least told me you're not completely brain dead." He laughed, and Alec's words tighten in his throat. "Like come on! What do ten years of friendship even mean if he doesn't even share anything about his broken family, right?!"

"You don't know _shit_ about our family!" Jace banged his fists on the table before standing up, Alec following quickly after. He stretched a hand to Jace, a sign for the blond to stay back.

"Jace, it's alright." His brother turned to him, eyes red with unshed tears of rage. The look Jace gave him was one of disbelief, as if he couldn't believe he wasn't taking his side in this. It's not like Alec didn't want to, he wanted nothing more than to punch this guy straight in the face until he erased that pathetic smug from his face. But he couldn't, not when Max was right here watching and listening to everything closely, not when he knew Jace could snap at any second and make the situation so much worse. "Sit down, the man is leaving now." Alec gritted his teeth, sternly directing his attention to both his brother and his father's _friend_.

"He's right Jace, relax." Andrew chuckled, raising his hands in mock defense. He was making fun of them, and Alec knew exactly why he was doing it. Robert was aware of Jace's temperament, and if their father knew, then he was sure Andrew had been informed about it as well. "There's no need to worry about me disturbing your nice family dinner." Alec watched as he walked around the table, dragging the shocked and nervous woman behind him.

"Unfortunately your presence has ruined our appetite." Alec said, voice strained with anger. Andrew laughed, and stopped right in front of Jace as he passed by him. It cause him to tense, aware of how Jace's fists were turning white.

"Jeez kid, lighten up, no need to be so _angry_." And just like that, something in Jace snapped. The blond raised a fist and delivered a hard punch straight to the man's face.

"Shit... Jace!" Alec shouted, at the same time a chorus of gasps and shrieks ran out in the room. He ran around the table at the same time Simon scrambled out of his chair. They both grabbed Jace by an arm, stoping him from hitting the man once more.

"What the fuck!?" Andrew spit, blood pouring out of his nose. Alec glanced at him enough to notice he looked genuinely surprised to be hit, probably not expecting such an aggressive response.

"I'll fucking kill you, you fucking asshole!" Alec's hold on Jace tightened. He noticed how Simon was struggling to hold him back, constantly being pushed back by Jace and even being elbowed on the side once. It was difficult, Jace kept screaming curse words from the top of his lungs, his eyes were bloodshot in rage, and he kept squirming around trying to break free from their hold. " **Let me go**!"

"Izzy!" Alec yelled over the sound of shouting. The girl looked at him with wide and tearful eyes. She was standing, gripping Clary's hand so hard Alec was afraid she would break the redhead's fingers. "Get Max out of here!" He watched long enough to see her grab their brother in her arms despite his height and heavy weight. He was not a child anymore, and it was hard to carry him lately, but the kid was frozen in place, fear swimming through him and making him unable to react.

"Jace!" He let go of him slightly only to stand in front of his brother, blocking his view from Andrew who was currently being helped up by some waiters. "Hey, listen, look at me." Alec tried to ground him, bring him back from that mental state he had locked himself in. He could see Simon looking at him worriedly. "Jace?" He said more softly, and finally the blond turned to him, eyes wide and tearful. It broke Alec, because he knew what was coming next. "Hey, it's alright. It's all okay, I'm going to get you out of here." Jace nodded, he had stopped fighting against them, so he gestured at Simon to let go. Once he did, Alec pulled his brother into his side, letting the blond lower his head down against his chest. Alec closed his eyes, kissing his brother's blond mop of hair. "It's okay, I'm taking you home."

~

"Are you sure you don't want us to stay?" Alec shook his head tiredly, allowing Aline to pull him into a hug before Helen did the same. They said goodbye once more before walking out the door. Alec sighed, he made sure the door was safely locked before walking into the living room. He grabbed a couple of blankets from the end of the sofa and dragged one down over Clary's sleeping form before tuning to Simon, who had laid down on a makeshift bed he made for himself on the floor. He decided to grab a glass of water and some painkillers from the kitchen, his head was pounding in his head repeatedly, making any sound feel like there was a hole being drilled in his brain.

After Alec had calmed Jace down, he asked Simon to take him to the car and get everyone else in as well. Helen had stayed behind, while Aline, Clary, and Isabelle all took Max outside to get him away from the whole thing. He was thankful both girls were there with him, he had needed them a lot more than he hoped for in that moment. They spoke with the manager and a few security men. Andrew was there, complaining and blaming Jace completely. Of course Alec explained everything to the owner, who fortunately believe and understood everything. They managed to get out with no problem - although Alec did have to leave an extra tip on the table for any disturbances they had caused. Once they made it home it took some more time to get Max into bed as well as Jace who had been shaking the whole ride with anxiety. Alec allowed the blond to lock himself in his room, stopping Clary when she had tried to follow after him. All they heard had been screams of frustration as Jace broke everything he could get his hands on, until finally all they heard was silence. By then Clary had fallen asleep and Simon was drifting on and off of consciousness. He hadn't heard anything from Izzy, who had locked herself up as well. Max had been wide awake however, which was by far the most worrying reaction he'd seen all night. Alec was sure he’d have to sleep in the boy’s room tonight, Max’s nightmares would for sure surface and he didn’t want his little brother to feel alone when he woke up. After some hot chocolate and a horrible attempt at a bed time story, Alec had managed to get the boy to fall sleep. It was then that he was finally able to properly say goodbye to his two best friends, who were being extremely patient with him just like they always have been.

"Hey." Alec looked up, startled by the noise. Izzy walked directly to the fridge, she grabbed a bottle of water and chugged the clear liquid down in large gulps. He couldn't help but notice the obvious red and puffy eyes from having cried for the past two hours straight, or the chapped lips from biting them in that anxious way of hers. She was strong, just like their mother, but Alec knew no one could be strong forever, especially when the people you love the most just keep suffering and you have no idea what to do.

"He'll be fine." He knew it was a weak attempt at reassuring her it was okay, but the look she gave him showed she was grateful for it.

"I know." She sniffed, and Alec walked forward, bringing her into his arms. She melted against him, allowing herself to sob into his chest without a care of who saw or heard. With Alec it’s like she didn't have to pretend to be strong all the time, because he knew all of her secrets and all of her fears. Sometimes she even feared Alec knew her better than she knew herself, which was ridiculous but also a comforting thought to her. Alec was her safety, he's been ever since they were children, he's been the rock that held them all together, the one who let go of his whole future for them without a second thought. He's the closest thing Izzy has as a parent, and the one she was proud to call her role model, and for that and so much more she was not afraid to let him see her at her lowest.

"Listen, I don't want you to be sad about this, okay?" He sighed, kissing her forehead. She nodded, but the tears still kept falling down her cheeks. "I'm so proud of you, I haven't had the chance to tell you but I am." She pulled away, wiping at her cheeks and staring at him in surprise.

"Why? I haven't done anything." She choked out, and the words made him smile sadly. She was too blind to see what he saw.

"Remember when we were kids and you would tell mom you wanted to be just like her when you grew up?" She shook her head. There was a foggy memory of it but it was too difficult to grasp it. "She would always smile at you and say she was sure you'd be better than she ever was."

"She said that?" Alec nodded, chuckling slightly.

"Mom always saw so much potential in you, and as you grew up she couldn't help but notice it more and more." He wiped her tears away and smiled warmly, trying hard to keep the tears from falling out of his eyes. "Mom would be so proud of you, Izzy. You've lived up to everything she saw in you and more. I just wish she were here to see you graduate, go to college, see you leave for prom.... She would've loved to see all of that." Izzy sobbed, and Alec allowed a few tears to fall as well. He really wished his mom was here, she'd make everything better.

"I miss her so much!" She cried, and Alec pulled her in, allowing himself to feel what he's been keeping locked away for so long. The longing for their mother, for her to come back.

"Me too." Alec kissed her head. He whispered comforting words in her ear, and he would continue to do so for as long as she needed him to, even if they spent all night there, reminiscing about their childhood and how much they miss the presence of their mother. They loved her, and even though they wished she were here with them, they knew their mother would be proud of all of them. Max, for being such a sweet kid. Izzy, for not letting anything bring her down. Jace, for being so brave and kindhearted. And Alec, well Alec was her firstborn, the one who carried with the weight of the whole world against his shoulders. He's the one who brought up his siblings without once complaining, the one who loved and supported them no matter what. Alec is the one who fought to keep his family together, despite all odds being against their favor. Alec received beat down after beat down, he worked day and night to give his family a home built on nothing but love and trust, and for that, Alec knew his mother was proud and grateful of him for.


	4. New Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!! I know I took forever to update but I’ve been really busy with schoolwork and some other things. I worked on this chapter last night and it’s not that well written but I really wanted to post something. I’m not sure when I will update again because I have a couple of assignments I need to do for my classes so for now please bare with me :)   
> Love you guys and hope you enjoy!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All credit belongs to Cassandra Clare.

"For the love of god... _Jace_!" Alec snapped, he groaned in pain as he rolled over on his back to look at the object that had been responsible for his fall. Sure enough, it was Jace's backpack. The blond ran out of his room, seeming a bit surprised to have heard Alec yell. Once he saw him on the floor however, Jace burst out laughing.

"You should really watch where you're going, brother mine." Alec glared at him, while the blond simply smirked. He bent over to pick up his sweater before walking past him carelessly.

"And you should stop leaving your stuff in the middle of the hallway!" All he heard was the blond's laugh as he made his way downstairs. Alec rolled his eyes and stood up, grabbing the backpack and making his way down to the kitchen.

The weekend had passed by slower than he had expected. Saturday had been the worst day of it all. First, he spent half the day trying to coax Jace out of his room, but the latter refused completely to do so. Whenever Alec wasn't laying on the floor by his brother's door, he was in his own room trying- and _failing_ \- to get Max to eat some food. It wasn't until sometime on Sunday early morning when Alec was laying in bed reading a book, with Max sleeping beside him, that he heard Jace sneak out of his room to grab some food from the kitchen. Fortunately, that morning had been less stressful. Max had some breakfast, Jace allowed Isabelle in his room so they could watch movies, and Alec had managed to get a couple of hours of sleep. Now it was Monday, the most dreadful day of the week. Things seemed to come back to normal, the only difference being that Max still refused to speak more than three words - and only when he was talking to Alec.

"Morning Alec!" He winced, waving slightly as he made his way around Clary and straight to the coffee machine. He poured himself a cup and leaned back against the counter, holding the mug against his lips as he blew softly to try and cool down the burning hot coffee.

"When did you and Simon get here?" He asked the redhead, who was flipping pancakes on an iron pan.

"Half an hour ago," she shrugged, and turned around to smile at him softly. "We figured you needed a break after Izzy told us you haven't slept much in the past couple of nights." It was true, Alec could count on both his hands the amount of hours he's slept in the past three nights alone. It's not like he didn't have a chance, he was mostly just afraid that if he fell asleep and Max had another nightmare, the kid would scratch and hurt himself in his sleep. It happened a lot often, and he hated to have to explain to the school board all about the bruises he inflicted on himself due to his night terrors.

Alec sighed and leaned forward, kissing the girl on the head as a thank you before walking past her, completely missing the smile on the girl's lips. He saw Max sitting on one of the stools, scribbling some numbers on a sheet of paper. He'd forgotten all about the homework, and he hoped Izzy had reminded Jace to do his or else Alec was sure to receive another angry call from the blond's teachers. He grabbed a plate with pancakes and headed towards Max, promising that if he finished it all, Alec would buy him a pack of gummy bears on his way home. The kid wasn't allowed sugar often, mostly because it made him extremely hyperactive that they had to ban any sugary treat in the house. Still, that didn't mean Alec and the others didn't use that as a way to bribe their younger brother.

"Do I have to go to school?" Everyone in the room fell silent and immediately turned to Alec, waiting to see what he'd say. Jace - who had been messing with Simon's hair annoyingly - looked away quickly. Alec seemed to be the only one to notice, and sighed, knowing perfectly well he was blaming himself for Max acting distant with all of them again. What hurt the most was the way Max looked at him, eyes wide and full of fear. There was a time when Max would cry every morning and lock himself in his room to try and avoid going to school. His therapist told Alec it was social anxiety, but Max later confessed to him that he never felt safe unless Alec was in the room. After what happened at the restaurant, Max hasn't left his side for more than 20 minutes, and that's only because he has to shower at some point.

Alec sighed and leaned his elbows on the counter so he could be eye to eye with him. "Don't you want to see your friends?" He asked in the same soft tone he always used in times like this. "You'd have so much more fun at school than being stuck with me at work and school all day." The younger frowned, and looked down at his full plate of pancakes, he hardly took a bite out of it.

"I could see them some other time, I just want to stay here with you." Alec smiled softly, fighting hard to hold back the urge to just cry. He wanted to cry for everything, for how tired he was, how much it broke him to see Jace blame himself, how much he wished he could go back in time and give Max the childhood he deserved, and for how _hard_ it was to hold it together all at once. He just wanted to scream and cry without having to worry about who was around to see him.

"Hey," He said, gaining his little brother's attention once more. "Lets make a deal. You'll go to school and promise me that you will try to have fun-"

"But Ale-" he raised a hand slowly to silence him, which the younger immediately did with a soft sigh and roll of his eyes. It made Alec smile, Max could be extremely sassy if he felt like it.

"But if at any point you feel scared or you just don't want to be there, have Mrs. Kate call me and I'll go pick you up." Max stared into his eyes for a while until he finally nodded, resignation clear in the boy's face. Alec knew he wasn't happy about this, but he couldn't just let Max ditch school without the kid giving it a shot. He could only hope Max had a good time, if not things could just get a lot worse.

"Fine, but I want two bags of gummy bears." Alec laughed as he watched Max jump off his chair with his plate in hand to go watch cartoons in the living room.

"Alright, two it is." Alec chuckled and watched him walk away.

~

The day was going by slower than he hoped for. Alec spent the whole morning with Aline at the coffee shop, listening to the girl ramble on about how much she hated Raphael because he was a jerk - which just meant she was really annoyed that Raphael had refused to attend a blind date she had set him up to. Raphael hated to be set up on dates, so really Alec didn't know why Aline even bothered trying anymore. The whole morning Alec didn't receive a call from anyone, which was a huge relief because that meant Max was alright at school and that Jace was on his teachers good graces. He did receive a message from Izzy however. It was a picture of Clary, Simon, Jace, and her all pouting into the camera. It had a caption that said, 'History class is boring, save us!!' It made him smile, because things seemed to be going back to normal.

Now, Alec was sitting in his English class, silently writing down notes as best he could. He was tired, his eyes kept drooping with each passing second, and the voice of his professor only seemed to make him more exhausted. He couldn't understand a single word Mr. Graymark was saying, and honestly he didn't seem to mind all that much. All Alec wanted to do was get out of class, forget completely about the assignment he has to complete, and go straight to bed. Yet of course, he has the worst luck imaginable and he forgot he had promised Raphael to help sort out some paperwork and manage the money at the car shop. Monday's definitely sucked.

"Mr. Lightwood," Alec paused, he was just picking up his books to leave the classroom when his professor called out his name. Some students looked back at him, curiosity in their eyes. It made Alec annoyed, he hated nosy people. "There's something we need to talk about." He sighed, dropping back down on his chair and nodding. He'd wait until everyone left the class to walk up to Mr. Graymark's desk, he knew whatever the man had to say was private.

"What's wrong?" He asked, reaching the dark brown colored desk that was placed right next to a large counter that faced the whole auditorium of seats. Alec wouldn't admit it, but he was extremely nervous. He had a suspicion of what this was about, but he hoped it wasn't it.

"..Alec.." Mr. Graymark sighed and took off his reading glasses. There was something about the way he looked at him, something about the hesitation in his eyes and the frown on his lips. Yes, Alec knew exactly what this was about. ".. I got a call from your Counselor... she- why didn't you say anything?" Mr. Graymark - or otherwise known as just Luke - is Clary's stepfather. He married Jocelyn when the young redhead was just 6 years old, and for the longest time, he's the one Clary grew to see as her actual dad. It's safe to say that when Alec's mom died, Luke and Jocelyn were always there for them. He trusted Luke more than he ever trusted his dad, he was like the father he and his siblings deserved. "Alec.."

"Don't." Alec sighed, he gripped the strap of his backpack harshly, trying to ease his mind and not stare right into Luke's eyes to avoid seeing the disappointment he was sure would be staring right back. "It's not a big deal."

"Of course it is! Alec-" The older man cut himself off, his voice was strong and laced with something akin to sadness. Alec looked at him, Luke has bright blue eyes, very similar like his own. He was tall, with squared shoulders, and a stooped posture. Ever since Alec was a kid he remembers Luke would always wear flannel shirts, and he still does up to this day. It's really like his famous signature look. "When you were a kid, before your mother died, she had a whole plan for all you kids. Even Max and he wasn't even born yet." Luke chuckled fondly while Alec looked down to the floor.

"Luke-"

"No, listen." He stood up and walked around the desk before leaning back against it with arms crossed. "I know how hard it is for you to talk about her, and for so long I never mentioned her because I made you a promise I wouldn't. But this is not okay."

"I get it, I do." Alec sighed. "But I really don't want to get into the whole 'I failed' conversation."

"Is that how you see it?" Luke asked, eyes scrunch up in disbelief. It made Alec shrug as a response. He thought all that and worse things about himself. "The thing is, Alec, that you haven't failed yet. Pull yourself together kid. You're smart, your mother saw it, we all did including your dad. You have the potential to make a life for yourself, to be successful. I hate seeing you throw it all away."

"I'm not throwing it away."

"You are. I understand you don't have time, that you have a lot of things on your plate, but you've never slacked off at school like this before." Luke said. "So yes, Alec, you _are_ throwing it away. I just want to know why?"

Alec stayed quiet, unsure of what to say. Because he really didn't know what to say, what the reason was. Yes, he's ignored school for the last few months, and he really can't explain why he started to just give up with it. The closest explanation could be that he's tired, but that would just be the easy answer. He really didn't want to think about it, because he knows he gave up. Pursuing an education was his mother's dream for him, and at first he wanted to follow that dream for _her_. But now he just wants to do what makes him happy for himself. Even if he doesn't know what that is yet.

"Just- just tell me what my counselor said?" Luke smiled sadly, a smile that just told Alec everything he needed to hear.

"You're failing all of your classes, including mine I might add." Luke stated. "She said you and her already spoke, she gave you a warning and yet you refused to pull your grades up. Apparently she gave you many chances, but there's nothing she can do now. I guess she thought I should the one to lay down the news.."

"I'm getting kicked out aren't I?"

"With no scholarship, there's really not much of a choice, right?"

"Right.." In that moment Alec's whole world seemed to have stopped spinning for a while. He knew this was coming. The ignored emails, the bailed meetings, and the broken promises to do better. It was only a matter of time, he knew that. And all this time this is what he wanted, but right now it felt like there was a fist tightening around his heart, stopping its usual beating.

"This is what you wanted, right? Just tell me this is what you wanted, and I'll drop it." Luke sighed, breaking him out of his trance. The look on his face only made the tightness around his chest stronger. He couldn't help but imagine what his mom would say to him right now. But that was the whole point. She wouldn't say anything because she wasn't here. So there really was no point in trying to imagine it.

"Yeah, this is what I wanted.." he couldn't help but avoid Luke's eyes. Avoid the look of disappointment aimed towards him. He wanted this, but somehow now that it's real, it feels wrong. Like a piece of him had been ripped out. It hurt, his chest hurt and he couldn't breathe. Without a single word Alec pushed past Luke and made his way of of the room, not daring to look back once. Once out in the halls he took off running. He didn't know where he was going, or when he'd stop, but all he knew was that he had to get out as soon as possible.

Maybe it was a mistake? Maybe he should've thought it through.. But he was tired of following the dream of a ghost. Tired of pretending like his life was well put together. He didn't have time for school, he never did. But he sucked it up and made the effort to do it, to pretend like he was happy in college when he really wasn't. He needed a better job, not an education that he didn't know where it was heading. So maybe this was guilt? College was his mother's dream for him, and for as long as Alec remembers, it used to be his too. Now it just feels like he's walking with no sense of direction. It was unplanned, and Alec always needed a plan. A dinner plan, and schedule plan, and a future plan for the next day. For so long Alec stopped thinking about what his life would be like when he grew older, because he honestly couldn't see anything. It became about where he would have to be the next day or the next week. If he had a meeting with Jace's counselor at a scheduled date, or go with Max to his therapy session, or if Izzy had a play or any school event he'd have to go to. That's his life, providing for his siblings was his whole future. So wasting his time in college only seemed to be postponing the inevitable. That he really never was to follow _this_ dream. That perhaps he was going the wrong way all along. But then again, if this was how things are supposed to be, why does it feel like he just made the biggest and stupidest mistake of his life?

Alec gasped when his body came in contact with someone else. His vision was blurred and he really didn't know where he was going so of course he would crash against someone. He felt hands grab both sides of his arms and could vaguely hear a voice speaking to him.

"-okay?" Alec look up into bright gold-green eyes. He startled for a bit, taken aback by the peculiarity of them. They were almost too similar to a cat's. He had brown skin and black hair styled straight up messily. He was taller than him, which was really unusual seeing as Alec was very tall. The hands on his arms tightened, which seemed to be enough to bring him back to reality.

"I- I'm fine thanks." He stuttered out. Any other time he'd be cursing himself for being so awkward but right now he wasn't thinking straight. His thoughts were just all over the place.

"That's fine, are you sure you're okay?" Alec was confused by how sincere the man sounded, but immediately shrugged it off and nodded anyway. He took a step back and finally noticed they weren't the only ones in the hall. There was a woman with a tablet on her hand, typing into it and looking up at him every once in a while with curious eyes. She seemed like she wanted to speak yet for some reason didn't want to intervene. Then there was a man, he seemed to be tapping his foot impatiently as he stared at the man in front of him with a serious look. Maybe they were busy and Alec just got in the way.

"Thanks but I'm fine, I'm- I'm sorry." He said, before brushing slightly past the man's shoulder and walking away. He didn't look back, didn't dare to. He was almost crying and those people were there to see the tears building up in his eyes. It was embarrassing, yet for some reason the man didn't seem to care at all. In fact, he seemed to be genuinely worried which was weird seeing as they're complete strangers to each other. Alec sighed and rushed out of the building, only to be stopped by the ringing of his phone. He looked at it, seeing the name of Raphael pop up on the screen along with a picture of them together. For a second he almost didn't answer, but then decided against it.

"Hey-"

"I'm very sorry, Alec. I really tried to get him to leave but he won't." Raphael rushed out in one breath.

"What are you talking about?"

"Your dad, Alec." Raphael sighed. Alec stopped walking, paused right in the middle of the concrete stairs. He had to hold himself by the rails to steady himself up. "He came looking for you, and I can't get him to leave."

Alec took a deep breath in, nodding against the phone despite the fact the he knew Raphael couldn't see him. "Tell him I'm on my way." He said and quickly hung up, not wanting to hear another word. This day just kept getting worse.

-

"Now can we get moving?" Ragnor whined, snapping Magnus out of his stupor. He saw Tessa roll her eyes at him with a smirk on her lips.

"Who was that?" Magnus couldn't help but ask. There was just something about those blue eyes that he couldn't get them out of his head.

"Why should I know?" Tessa laughed, still typing into her tablet. "Probably just another student, I've never had him in any of my classes. Or at least I don't think so." She shrugged. Magnus knew she was telling the truth, of course she was. Tessa was an English teacher, and although there's no way for a college professor to remember the names of all their students, Tessa seems to have no problem in remembering every single one of them. The girl had an amazing memory.

"Great, now that we're over this, can we get back to work?" Ragnor groaned once more, annoyed over the fact that no one was hurrying up. "I have a meeting to attend later today so the faster we're done here, the better."

"Whatever," Magnus rolled his eyes. He loved Ragnor, but right now he really wanted to dump him in a trash bin. "Where's this Luke Graymark guy anyway?"

"Over here, follow me." Tessa smiled and started walking. They made it to a class and opened the doors to be welcomed by a large auditorium sized classroom. The chairs were empty and the only person there was a ragged looking man sitting on his desk with a hand running over his already messy hair. Magnus thought he seemed stressed.

"Luke." Tessa called, startling the man. He quickly stood up and walked over to them, a hesitant smile on his lips.

"Tessa," Luke nodded at her before turning to Ragnor and him with a pained expression. "I understand why you're here, but you have to respect my decision to not want anyone to find out I'm the one giving you this information."

"We understand." Ragnor agreed. "We just have a few questions concerning Robert Lightwood."

Magnus frowned at the look of hesitance in Luke's face. "On the phone you told us you knew him quite well, is that right?" He asked, trying to find any sign that perhaps they were just wasting their time with this man.

To his surprise, Luke scoffed. The man's expression changed to one of hate. "Trust me, I know him better than you can possibly imagine."

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Ragnor asked one more time, just like they did over their many phone calls they've had with Luke in the past.

"If you can promise me his children won't be dragged into this mess, than yes," he said, voice stern. "I'm sure."

"You have my word." Magnus agreed, meaning every single word he said. He never broke the promises he made to his clients. "We won't even get near those kids."

"Good, then let's get started." Magnus nodded, allowing Ragnor to start them off with some documents of confidentiality. This case was going to get messy, they would have to dig deep into Robert Lightwood's life. Search every dark corner. Magnus was going to try hard to make it end as fast as he could, to win the case with as little as they could get. He heard that the key to win this case was with the Lightwood children, but even then it sounded too cruel to drag them into this. Especially now that he made a promise to Luke. Like he said, Magnus never broke the promises he made to his clients.


	5. Strangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally updated!! I made this chapter a bit longer as a sorry for the wait. I really tried to finish earlier but I had two exams and I really didn’t have time to do much this week. 
> 
> Anyway, you guys will see Robert for the first time in this chapter! Then there’s a time jump (just short don’t worry) and we get the first real Malec introduction!!!! I hope you guys like it, there’s not much plot here except for the beginning but I thought that since I don’t want Malec to seem rushed, I needed to write quite a bit about their first meeting so you guys get an idea of how things will be between them for a while. 
> 
> Love you guys, and I’ll try to do better with updates!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All credit goes to Cassandra Clare.

Alec could hear the screams long before he even reached the front of the garage doors. There was a lot of banging of metal followed by what he immediately recognized as Raphael's voice.

"I don't give a damn who the fuck you are!" Alec frowned, clearly his father was getting under Raphael's skin.

"Kid, shut your damn mouth befor-"

"Before you what?" Alec made himself known in the room. He saw Raphael, frowning down at the floor and glaring at it as if it were responsible for everything. Then his father, he looked the same as always. Robert is a tall and burly man, he has olive skin which contrasts Alec's pale white skin. His eyes were the darkest shade of blue Alec's ever seen, they were so dark they could easily be mistaken as black. His beard, which he remembered after his mother's death Robert would leave it patchy and messy, was now neatly trimmed, reminding Alec a little of the man his dad used to be before everything just went to hell. "Before you try to shut this place down? Before you ruin our lives? Why don't you stop with your threats and tell me what you're doing here." It wasn't a question, it was more of an order. To say the least, Robert seemed slightly impressed of the way he was being treated.

"All I wanted was to talk, can we? In _private_." Robert said, glaring at Raphael in the process. The boy's hand tightened on some wrench he was holding and glared right back. Alec wouldn't be surprised if Raphael tried to beat the crap out of his dad.

"Follow me." Alec sighed, his head was pounding and he felt dizzy from the lack of sleep and now _this_. The stress was all piling up. Alec pushed past Robert and walked into the office, going straight for the mini refrigerator to take a water bottle out. He pushed back any manners he had and refused to offer Robert anything, after all, Alec owed him nothing. Not even the slightest bit of respect. "What do you want?"

Robert shut the door behind him, much to Raphael's clear annoyance after his friend hit the door with what was probably the wrench he'd been holding. Nevertheless, it was quite amusing how his father jumped from the surprise when the object came in contact with the door. "I see you've surrounded yourself with overprotective friends."

"I've known them since I was a kid. Don't be surprised they hate you."

"Trust me, I'm not." For the slightest second Alec frowned at the look on his father's face. It was one he couldn't describe, but he did see a flash of pain behind his eyes. Just as quickly as he saw it though, it was gone. Replaced by his usual poker face. "Listen, I know you don't even want to see me right now, but I'm just here to warn you."

Alec scoffed. "Warn me about what?"

"I can't tell you." His father sighed, running a hand over his face which now appeared to seem stressed. Alce noticed the crease on his forehead, the black bags under his eyes, and the slight disheveled look of his dark hair. In this moment, he couldn't help but find a resemblance between them both. Alec was sure he probably mirrored his father at this particular moment. And he hated to admit that. "There's a case running against my company, but it's stressing more against me."

"So what? Your company is on the brink of failing and you come here? What does this have to do with me?"

"Everything. If they target me, it's only a matter of time before they go after you kids, and I don't want that to happen." Alec made a sound between a scoff and a snort.

"And you think I'm going to believe that you're actually worried about us? Please, you never gave a damn about any of us! If you did, then everything in my life that's gone to shit ever since that night wouldn't be a problem right now!" Alec took a deep breath and allowed himself time to calm down. His father simply stared at him with that same unreadable look.

"These people want to ruin me, Alec." Robert explained slowly and calmly. "To do that they will turn to you, to Izzy and Jace, they will drag every single one of you into this. They know we're in a fallout, so they'll try to use you against me."

"So you're worried I'm going to run and spill all of your secrets?" He asked incredulously. Typical, the only one Robert ever cared about was himself.

"No, I'm worried about Max. Kid can't go through any more pain." At least in that Alec could agree with him.

"I'll stay away from any lawyers, as long as you promise not to show up again." Robert nodded, a slight smile on his lips.

"Thank you, son." Alec held back the urge to punch the man in the face for calling him that. Instead he took a deep ragged breath in and nodded. Robert stood up and walked to the door, before he opened it he turned around and leveled Alec with that familiar emotionless expression. "I hope you know that I'll hold you to your promise. If you don't, I'm not afraid to open up that custody case back up. I've been tempted to do it for a while now, so don't give me a reason to take them from you." Without another word, Robert walked out.

Raphael was in the room not even one second after. He rushed to Alec, who had at one point fallen back on his chair. He couldn't believe what he just heard. How dare Robert use his siblings as a form of blackmail. He should've known better. Part of Alec believed for a second there that Robert was genuinely looking out for them. Of course not, he was looking out for himself and his company, because in the end that's all that will ever matter to Robert Lightwood.

"Hey," Alec looked right into Raphael's eyes. His friend had pulled a chair right next to him and was trying to seem cool by leaning back and placing his feet on top of his desk, yet Alec could still see the worry in his eyes.

"I'm fine." He saw his friend roll his eyes with a shake of his head.

"Of course you'd say that, it's really the only thing you say." He sighed. "What did he want?"

"He blackmailed me into taking Izzy and Max away from me." The words sounded hollow to his own ears. He saw Raphael tense but before he could let his friend say anything he continued. "I mean, Jace is almost 18 so he'll be fine. But Izzy and Max... they- he can't!" Alec was having trouble wrapping his head around what just happened. He was having difficulties breathing, which he tried to keep under control. "He can't do that, can he?! There's no way they'd allow him to do such a thing, right?! Raph, _tell me he can't do that_." He felt like crying, and watching his friend simply sit there, staring at him with sad eyes and a frown, just made him even more sad and angry about the whole thing. Raphael sighed and sat up straight, dropping his feet on the floor to be able to turn on his chair and look at him better.

"Listen, I don't know, I really have no idea." Alec nodded, hopelessness settling in his chest, causing him to feel like he was drowning. Then Raphael placed a hand on his shoulder and waited until they were eye to eye to continue. "But I do know this, there's no way we're letting him take those kids from you. _They're yours_ , and they belong with you. Sure, Robert has a lot of money and could probably pay some people to open up the case again, but trust me, no jury would want to take them from you. You've been like a father to them- hell even Max thought you were his dad when he was a baby! I _promise_ , those kids aren't going anywhere."

The more he processed Raphael's words, the more it made sense. He knew his friend was right, and although he still couldn't help but feel worried about the whole thing, he knew that his father would stay true to his word. As long as he was nowhere near this case, Alec and his siblings will be fine.

~

The month passed by in a blur. Things were great in the Lightwood household. Max stopped complaining about having to go to school and he even started spending time with his friends after classes. Sometimes Alec would take the little group of kids to the park, for ice cream, or wherever they wanted to go, and sometimes it was one of the other kid's moms. Izzy signed up for a Romeo and Juliet play and got the lead role- which was a very proud moment for her. Although, personally, Alec hates that play after watching it a million times because of his sister's fault, he would for sure be in the front row to watch her that night. Then there was Jace, who managed to not get in trouble at school and was on top of his assignments. It was the longest his brother has gone without getting in any trouble whatsoever. He was happy that things were running smoothly, too happy that he didn't want to ruin it by sharing the news that he no longer was in college.

The last few weeks Alec almost went crazy over the amount of lies he made to his siblings and friends. No one knew about how he got kicked out of college (well not necessarily kicked out, he actually just walked away from it despite still having time to pick his grades up) which meant that Luke was doing him a great favor in keeping this a secret. If Luke - or even Jocelyn, since he was sure Luke ran to spill the news to her - had told Clary about it, she would've told Simon, who would've told Izzy, who would've ran to Jace, etc. etc.

He did feel sort of guilty about not telling anyone, but this all gave him time to think. Usually, Alec had classes in the morning, which meant he had the house for himself and he could hide there without anyone finding out. His night classes however, were a little trickier. He couldn't stop by Raphael's mechanic shop because his friend knew his old college schedule. The coffee place he worked at was exactly the same- since Aline's shift is at that exact time. An there's no point in even explaining the situation in his house- that place was crawling with teenagers all the time- seriously, Clary and Simon might as well move in already. Alright, no, Alec would definitely go crazy if that happened. So that only left one option. Taki's.

Taki's Diner is a café/restaurant. It is actually Jace's favorite in all of New York City (or so the blond always states so dramatically). It was a bit far from their home, so there really was no way his siblings would go there on a school night (mostly because they can't leave Max alone at home). There was actually a time when Alec was out of class early and caught them all - including Clary and Simon - leaving the house to go to Taki's. He was angry they were trying to sneak out (and include Max in it) but in the end he simply sighed and drove all of them to the restaurant so they could have dinner. It's one of their favorite places, and what Alec loves the most about it is that it used to be their mother's favorite too. They used to go at least once every one or two weeks, sometimes Robert would meet them there for lunch and when he couldn't, they all made sure to order him something and take it home so he could eat later. That place held so many memories, so really Alec can't think of a better place where he'd want to hide away from all of his problems.

"Right on time." Alec glanced up with a smile on his lips, recognizing the voice immediately. Kaelie Whitewillow has been working at Taki's for almost 3 years now, yet Alec and his family have known her for even longer than that. She's in high school with Jace and Izzy, so really they're the ones that get along more with her. When Alec's mother was still alive and they would go to Taki's, Kaelie's mom - who was a waitress then- sometimes had her help waitressing. It was small stuff, like taking people's empty plates, or handing out the bill. Maryse - Alec's mom - had taken a liking to her, so she would always leave an extra tip just for her. It's safe to say that Kaelie and her mother were close to them. To Alec, they were a perfect reminder of how amazing his life used to be. "Still hiding from your siblings?"

"Still keeping my secret?" Alec raised an eyebrow at her playfully. She rolled her eyes and laid a menu on the table surface right in front of him.

"I shouldn't!" She laughed, but smiled in a way that reassured Alec that she won't say a word about his college fail. "But you know you can count on me, Lightwood." He nodded, because it was true, Kaelie was one of the few people he really trusted.

"How's your mom?" He asked, leaning towards small talk instead of complete silence.

"Great! She actually told me to tell you that she misses you guys." She smiled, but it was a smile that hid a lot of different meanings. It's been so long since Alec brought his family over for dinner here, which probably made Kaelie and her mom worried that things were getting too hard for all of them. And sure, for a while there it was hard, but they've been doing great lately, with little to no bumps or obstacles on the road. He made a mental note to bring them next Friday, surely they'd like that (especially Jace). "This reminds me, how's Jace doing? I haven't seen him in a while." Alec smirked.

"Still got that crush on him, huh?" He asked, and immediately her eyes lit up in that playful way of hers.

"Can you blame me?! Your brother is smoking hot!" This made him scoff out a laugh.

"Wait, you do know he's dating Clary, right?" This seemed to bring her mood down comically.

"Ugh, right. The short redhead." She said with a roll of her eyes. But then she chuckled, and shook her head. When Jace and Kaelie were younger, they used to flirt with each other a lot, and up to this day they still do- although now it's more playful and friendly then it used to be. "Anyway, let me take your order before my boss walks out and yells at me for chatting too much with the hottie customers." She winked at him, causing a burst of laughter to bubble off his chest.

After ordering a milkshake, he pulled out his phone and scrolled through his messages. He was glad that there were none, which was a good thing because he just wanted to relax and forget about everything and everyone (even if it was for a little while).

Half an hour passed, he had almost finished his milkshake - which was mostly just melted - and he passed 9 new levels of candy crush. At some points Kaelie would stop by to make short conversation but most of the time he just sat there alone, playing games on his phone because really he had nothing better to do. The past few days he would bring some paperwork from Raphael's mechanic shop so he could get ahead on some work, but he was surprised to realize he had nothing new to do. That left him with nothing to distract him, so he finally listened to Helen and Aline, and downloaded the game they'd been nagging him about. So far, he was liking it.

All of a sudden, Alec felt as if someone was staring at him. He looked up, eyebrows furrowed, and noticed a two men sitting three booths down from his, one of them kept glancing in his direction with what he guessed was a curious look in his eyes. For a second Alec brushed it off, he thought maybe the man was staring at someone else or maybe something that was behind him. Besides, Alec couldn't seem to recognize him, so it couldn't be him the man was looking at. Minutes passed, and Alec looked up again to find that the other man had left, leaving only the curious stranger. Alec had to admit the guy was attractive, with a dark business suit and perfectly styled hair, he seemed to radiate a sort of authority. But that wasn't what caught his attention, it was his eyes. The yellow-green specks that contrasted his caramel colored skin was breathtaking.

Alec shook his head and looked back down quickly, realizing he had probably been staring for far too long. He decided not to look up again, at least not until Kaelie showed up again to talk to him. Alec was surprised however, when he heard someone slide into his booth, right across from him. He looked up, surprise written clear in his face when he saw it was the curious stranger. He looked even more attractive up close, and for a second he had a feeling that he _should_ recognize those eyes from somewhere. They were too peculiar.

"I saw you staring." The man said, a soft smirk on his lips. His tone wasn't cocky - which is something Alec is used to noticing in attractive guys - it sounded like more playful teasing. It reminded him a lot of Kaelie and even Jace, they're both normally like that with everyone.

"You were staring first." Alec pointed out, an eyebrow raised in challenge. He put his phone down on the table and watched the man in front of his smile widely at his response.

"Can't really blame me, can you?" The look on Alec's face must've been enough to show his confusion because the guy laughed softly before leaning closer, his elbows resting on the table with arms crossed. "You're stunning, darling."

Alec choked on air - which was quite embarrassing he might add. His cheeks were without a doubt brightly red, and it's not like he could hid it because his pale white skin can totally give it away. This only made the guy's smile widen, apparently finding Alec's reaction amusing. Alec felt he deserved a little bit of credit here, seeing as he wasn't used to being flirt at. That tiny fact is obvious when anyone first meets him. Alec is awkward when it comes to any sort of compliment, no matter how small it is. It makes Alec blush and stutter uncontrollably. He's used to being complimented by Izzy, mostly because the girl made it a habit to do it all the time ever since they were kids. Apparently Izzy - his kindhearted sister - tried to make it her life mission to make him feel worthy of the praise that he - as she so greatly puts it - _deserves_. She always said Alec sold himself too short, and things haven't really changed much (or at all) throughout the years. However, up to this day, she still won't give up the fight.

"Wow," The guy chuckled. "You're even more adorable when you're embarrassed."

"Uhh..." Alec was at a loss for words, the things this man said just threw him off, and his eyes- god his eyes- they were so mesmerizing.

"Magnus!" Alec's eyes snapped to the side at the same time that the guy from across him - Magnus - did. It was Kaelie, she was smiling at Magnus widely, yet her eyes kept glancing at Alec with a look that showed she had noticed how nervous he was. He was glad she was here. "I didn't know you knew Alec."

"I don't, actually.." the guy, Magnus, trailed off. He glanced at Alec with a soft smile, the smirk gone. It threw Alec off even more. He just couldn't get a read of this guy! "How do _you_ know _Alec_ , Kaelie?" His name rolled off his tongue smoothly, making him love his name for the first time in his life.

"We've been friends for a long time." Kaelie replied, she reached town to take the melted milkshake from the table. Alec went for his wallet, taking it as a sign that he should take this opportunity to leave. He really wasn't good at this whole flirty compliment thing, it made him anxious. It's like, the things this gu- Magnus- said, the way he said it and the way he looked at him like he was trying to look right into his eyes until he found every secret behind them. It made him feel vulnerable, and he couldn't let that happen.

Before he could open his wallet, a strong bony hand pushed his hands down against the table gently. "I got it." Magnus winked, already pulling out his own wallet from his back pocket.

"No, no, no. You don't have to." He said quickly. Another think he didn't like, was people paying for him. He barely even knew the guy! It would be disrespectful to let him pay. "Really, you don't have to." Alec repeated.

"It's fine," Magnus said slowly, a kind smile on his lips. It's like he noticed how nervous Alec was and was trying to calm him. "Consider it a thank you for giving me a few minutes of your time to talk to you." He pulled out a 20 dollar bill and held it up to Kaelie. Alec was about to reach out in an attempt to stop them but the girl grabbed the money without a second thought.

"Thank _you_!" She sang out loudly to Magnus, causing the man to chuckle and shake his head at her antics. "I hope you know I'm taking my tip out of this."

"Have at it." He said with a soft laugh.

"Wasn't asking but cool! Bye Mags. And Alec, don't be a stranger." She raises her eyebrows threateningly.

"I won't." Alec laughed and nodded. As soon as she left Alec turned back to Magnus, who he was surprised to see was already staring at him. "...Thanks." He said awkwardly. He didn't care though, because at least he managed to make the words come out of his mouth. "You didn't have to pay for that, but thank you."

"No problem." Magnus smiled. He leaned back after putting his wallet back in his pocket. "I take it you have to leave?" This took Alec by surprise - really everything about tonight was just a big ball of surprises. Maybe Magnus was really good at reading people, and perhaps he noticed Alec's slight discomfort. It's not like he wanted Magnus gone, he couldn't help but find him attractive and the most interesting person he's ever met, but Alec felt weird receiving compliments, it made him too nervous.

"Yeah, I think I should get back home before my siblings and their friends burn down the house." He chuckled, feeling a little more comfortable now that the conversation was steering into a more normal direction. At least now he knew what to reply with. It wasn't a complete lie though, he really _was_ worried about what Jace got the others up to. No matter what anyone said, he knew very well Jace was responsible for all of their past crazy mischievous ideas.

"Well _Alec_ ," Magnus smirked, leaning forward once again so his elbows were resting on the table surface. "I'm glad I got to meet you." He winked. His teasing and flirting tone was back, yet somehow Alec didn't seem faced by it at all. In fact, he smirked and leaned forward as well, copying Magnus's moves. The look on his face was indication enough that he was clearly amused.

"And I'm glad I got to meet you, _Magnus_." Alec dramatically said his name in the same tone that Magnus muttered his. Or at least he tried, which only made Magnus's eyes light up and his smile widen even more. A couple of seconds passed until Alec decided to break the eye contact. It was starting to make him nervous so he cleared his throat and grabbed his jacket and phone before sliding out of the booth. "Thanks again."

"You're welcome." With one last smile, Alec turned around and left. A second after making it right out of the door of Taki's he couldn't help but feel like he made a huge mistake by cutting the conversation short. There were so many things he should've asked. Like why Magnus decided to approach him? Or why he was flirting with him out of all people?! How did he even know Kaelie? And most importantly, he just wanted to get to know _him_.

Despite all that he kept walking. Trying to forget about Magnus completely as he made his way to his beat down Corolla. It was an old car, it wasn't in good condition but Alec still loved it. It was his first ever car, which he bought with his own money. He's had it for 5 years and it hasn't failed him once. Well, he did have to fight with the damn thing every once in a while, and even had to take it to Raphael so he could fix it, but he didn't care how many times his friend told him to get rid of it, he _loved_ that car. He finally saw his car, parked exactly where he'd left it on the side of the road. Once he got to it, he unlocked the door and got inside. Alec inserted the key into the ignition and turned it to the side. He heard the loud familiar clanking of the motor, but something was clearly different about it. Usually the sound lasts for a few seconds then the car turns on, however, right now it just kept making the same nasty sound. So he tried again. Nothing.

"Pleasee.. come on..." he tried once more, pleading encouraging words to the vehicle as if it would listen and immediately do as he said. He tried again, and again, and again, and then once more until he got tired and pulled the keys out, tossing them onto the passengers side in irritation. He groaned and dropped his face against the steering wheel. Now he'd have to take the subway, and worst of all, he'll have to call Raphael for help. Alec was startled by a knock on his window. He jumped and turned to the sound, surprised to find Manus staring at him with curious eyes.

"Everything okay?" His voice was muffled by the closed window, so Alec sighed before grabbing his things and getting out of the car, locking it behind him.

"It does that sometimes.." he muttered, staring pathetically at his _horrible_ beat up Corolla. Raphael was right, he should get rid of it.

He heard Magnus laugh. "Is it the battery?" He asked more seriously, getting closer to the car and even bending down slightly to look under it. Alec knew nothing about cars so he didn't know what Magnus could possibly find underneath it. He did however, know what the battery was.

"I don't think so, I bought a new one not long ago." He sighed, shuffling his feet as he watched Magnus walk around his car. "After the last one stopped working or whatever....?" He trailed off. He really should start listening when Raphael explains something to him.

Magnus noticed his lack of knowledge about cars apparently, because he laughed and nodded at him. "How are you getting home?"

"Oh, uh, I'm taking the subway I guess." He shrugged, dropping his heavy backpack on the floor so he could put his jacket on. It was getting cold. Before he knew it, Magnus was in front of him, he leaned down and took the backpack in his hand, seeming not to be faced by its weight whatsoever.

"I'll take you." His mouth dropped, he shook his head and reached out for his backpack but Magnus moved it back.

"No, Magnus, it's fine. I've taken the subway so many times before. Really." He made another attempt to grab his stuff from his hand but Magnus moved it out of reach once more. "Magnus!" Alec laughed, a hint of seriousness in his eyes. He couldn't help but find it funny. His smile dropped though, and he went back to attempting to retrieve his things.

"Come on." Magnus chuckled, smiling like a fool. "Stop being so difficult and let me take you. It's too late to take the subway and besides, I've got nothing better to do." He rolled his eyes at the obvious lie. Magnus looked like a guy who worked at a company or something. Clearly he had more important things to do. Alec wasn't backing down, and by the looks of it, neither was Magnus.

"It's too far." Alec said, waving his hand in a motion for Magnus to hand over the backpack. He did, with a roll of his eyes that is.

"I gave it back as a piece offering." Magnus pointed to the backpack he was already throwing over his shoulder. "It doesn't mean I'm backing down. If you don't let me give you a ride home, then I guess I'll just have to take the subway with you." He shrugged.

"You're kidding.." Alec sighed, causing Magnus to laugh and shake his head.

"Nope." He smirked. "So how about you hurry up, let me give you a ride, and I can call a friend of mine to come take a look at your car tomorrow?" Alec stopped to think. He looked back at his car, staring at it with a frown before he sighed.

"Fine." He said, too softly that he was surprised Magnus even heard him. "Don't worry about my car though, I know someone who can fix it up for me."

"Fine by me." Magnus smirked. "Now, shall we?" Alec hated how easily Magnus had convinced him. He hated how quickly he was captivated by his words. He _hated_ that although he knew this was a bad idea, he could really care less. All he knew right now was that if he turned his back and never looked back, he would regret that for the rest of his life. There was just something about Magnus that attracts him like a magnet.

"We shall." He chuckled, rolling his eyes at the smirk on Magnus's lips.

And so for the first time in his life, he ignored all of his instincts to run, and instead, took a step forward.


	6. Time For Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! It’s been forever I know!! I’m sorry it took me so long to post but the first time I wrote this chapter I hated how it came out so I waited to fix it. Then came all these assignments I had to work on and to top it off it’s like my teachers teamed up and made exams around the same weeks to torture me. 
> 
> Anywayyy, here it is. I hope you guys like it and I’m looking forward to reading your thoughts about it so feel welcome to comment!! I have no idea when I’ll post the next chapter since I’ll be quite busy focusing on selling my car, but hopefully it is soon :)  
> Love you guys and thanks for reading!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All credit belongs to Cassandra Clare.

"Tell me," Alec spoke, finally giving in to the nagging voice in his head telling him to just _say_ something. He saw Magnus glance at him slightly before turning back to the road ahead. "Why are you being so generous to me?"

There was a look of confusion in Magnus's eyes when he turned to look at him. Like he was wondering if Alec had really just asked him such a thing. So, Alec raised his eyebrows at him expectingly waiting for an answer. The thing is, people are never just this generous - at least not to him. There's always a motive behind it, and Alec will be damned if he let's just another person take advantage of him because he just happens to have the worst fucking luck imaginable. Seriously, he must be cursed or something, because there's always some unfortunate event after another that follows him around like a black cloud. "Can't a person just do something nice?"

"Not in my experience." Alec's reply was quick.

"Well," Magnus chuckled slightly, "that's because you've never met _me_ before." Alec stared in astounded silence, unsure of what to say next.

-

Magnus could see it, from the second he saw him at that diner, that this boy was too damn special to just let him walk away. _Again_.

Magnus didn't believe in fate. No matter how hard Catarina tried to convince him that things happened for a reason, and that what's meant to be will find it's way. He had never believed her. Really, how could he? He's always said that there is no greater power out there controlling the course of his life, it is all just coincidence and _life_ itself at work. Today, however, while he was sitting in a booth with Ragnor, completely entranced by the boy with striking blue eyes he remembers so clearly from the day he ran into him at the College English building, it felt too unrealistic. New York is a big city, you hardly ever expect to run into the same stranger twice unless they are from the same neighborhood. Now don't get him wrong, this in no way means that he's changed his mind about _fate_. It is all too ridiculous even for him, and he sure as hell would not give Cat the satisfaction of 'being right'. He does, on the other hand, believe that if he's crossed paths with this boy once again, then he would be damned if he doesn't at least _talk_ to him. Because coincidence, fate, or some stupid destiny at work, whatever it was, this boy and his beautiful blue eyes were like a magnet that kept pulling at something inside Magnus he just couldn't ignore.

"Everyone's the same, Magnus." Alec stated firmly, making the hairs on the back of Magnus's neck stand. "Don't say you're a genuinely helpful and generous guy when clearly there's a reason behind you wanting to help me."

Perhaps Magnus did have a motive behind it. If he thought about it, the reason was that he wanted to get to know Alec better, and giving up a chance like this would've been a huge mistake. Of course, Magnus knew Alec wouldn't appreciate that as an answer. "Wait, seriously? You really don't think someone can do something nice for someone else without expecting anything in return? Has life really treated you that badly?" It meant to come off as a joke, but the way Alec looked away and avoided making eye contact really struck a spot in Magnus's chest that just _ached_ for the guy. "Look, I don't want anything from you." He said, turning just in time to see the expression of pure disbelief and distrust in Alec's eyes. Magnus should've seen it before, or perhaps he did see it but was too stupid to realize it, that Alec was a very guarded person. He should've _known_ , because he himself finds it hard to open up to people. Clearly, for Alec, trust is something that has to be earned. "I saw you struggling, I decided to help. I don't want money, a favor, or anything else that pretty little head of yours could come up with." He paused and took advantage of the stoplight to turn to Alec. The boy had such beauty that was too special for words. He tried hard to gather what word best described him, and so far the only thing he could come up with was; _adorable_. With his baby blue eyes, his pale skin, and jet black hair that for some reason looked like he's just had crazy hot sex, it made him want to gather him in his arms and kiss him senseless. It wasn't just his looks, however. Magnus was captivated by the little things he does. Like the way he rolls his eyes when he's the slightest bit annoyed, how he seems to have a tendency to bit his lip when he's nervous, or how he plays with the hem of his sweater anxiously like it's the most interesting thing in the world. It was all too endearing. Alec's gaze locked with his for a second, and Magnus wished he could stop time and hold it in place because he never wanted to stop staring into that soft shade of blue that were his eyes.

A loud blaring sound snapped him out of his thoughts, causing him to jump slightly and turn back to the road, realizing the light was on green and there were some really pissed off drivers right behind him. He held back the urge to curse back at them, remembering he wasn't with Ragnor or Cat who were both used to his behavior.

Magnus heard a laugh from beside him, it was so soft he barely heard it, but it was enough to ease the anger that had been building up him. "What's so funny?" He asked, a glint of amusement in his eyes. Magnus barely even managed to catch a smile on the boy, so a laugh - no matter how small - just took him by surprise. A good kind of surprise.

"My brother has an anger problem, so I'm pretty good at noticing when someone's about to blow up with rage." He said, waving to his hands which were still gripping tightly onto the steering wheel. Magnus noticed and took in a deep breath, easing his hands so they wouldn't be too tense. It was no secret to the people who knew Magnus that he had a temper. Sometimes it was worst than others, but all in all he wouldn't go as far as saying he had an anger problem. No matter what Ragnor says.

"Sorry, people just really piss me off sometimes." He said honestly, staring out into the road ahead. To his surprise, Alec chuckled.

"You know, my brother says the exact same thing." Magnus saw a soft smile form on Alec's lips. He could see how important Alec's brother was to him, which only made him want to find out more about the rest of his family. It made him wonder if they were all as interesting and nice as him.

"It's that one right there." Magnus was cut off from his thoughts and looked over to the house Alec was pointing at. Magnus knew from the second Alec gave him the address to his house, that the boy lived in one of the worst parts in the city. It wasn't too dangerous, but it wasn't a beautiful area either. The apartment buildings looked about ready to collapse and the streets were a bit too dirty. Now, it's not like Magnus was picky, but he knew that the people who lived here only did so because it was cheap and that's what they can afford. However, the apartments on this street weren't too bad. They were two story homes that all shared a wall to the neighbors house. Magnus was not surprised to realize that Alec's house seemed like the most nicely kept one out of all the others. The front door was surrounded by different plants and even some bird houses. They didn't have much of a front yard- or anything at all- but they managed to make it look nice and inviting. Magnus parked on an empty space on the curb - which he could only guess was where Alec's car was supposed to be.

"Thank you so much for the ride, Magnus." Alec's smile was genuine, and Magnus wanted to do whatever it took so he wouldn't have to see that smile go.

"It was a pleasure." He grinned, but was mentally scrambling for something- _anything_ \- else to say. Magnus watched as Alec began to grab his things together, when all of a sudden, without thinking clearly, Magnus reached out and wrapped his hand around the boy's skinny wrist. "Wait."

Surprised, Alec looked back and forth between his hand and his eyes, unsure of what to say. Magnus slowly let go of his hand and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. He had forgotten his business cards at his office, so this would have to do. He wrote down his phone number along with his full name, and handed it to Alec. "If you need anything, and I mean _anything_ ," Magnus felt like he couldn't stress the word any more than that. "Call me." It sounded a lot more like a question, as if he were silently begging the boy to _please_ call him. He wanted to speak to him again, get to know him better. Magnus wanted nothing more than to be a part of Alec's life, but something told him that Alec needed to be the one to make that decision himself.

"I will." Alec nodded, his smile soft but still noticeable. He took the small piece of paper and held on to it tightly as he made his way out the car. Magnus watched him walk up the small steps of his apartment, the boy turned around and waved goodbye once again before he opened the door to reveal a small kid with fluffy brown hair running straight into Alec. He saw the boy laugh at the child's antics before walking inside with the boy rambling on about something. Magnus did not miss the look of pure happiness in Alec's eyes, and he was glad of that. He was glad he got to see something else other than a guarded expression. In that moment, Alec seemed relaxed and happy, and he wanted more than anything for the boy to look at him the same way.

-

"Well look who finally decided to show up!" Alec paused in the middle of the hall, the smile that was on his lips from the second he saw how happy and excited Max was faltered a bit and turned into a grin. He walked towards the living room, and could now see Raphael comfortably sprawled on the sofa with his arms crossed as he watched something on the TV. He heard a few too many giggles coming from upstairs and he turned to try and glance up the stairs to see what was going on. Of course all doors seemed to be closed. "Aline and Helen are here, Alec! They made us dinner!!" Alec smiled down at his little brother, glad to see the kid so happy. He thanked god for his friends because sometimes spending time with other people Max loves just as much as his family, was the answer to break the kid out of his small little world.

"Hey bud, why don't you tell those two to meet us down here? We'll start serving the food and we'll call you down to eat in a bit." Raph winked at the kid who nodded excitedly and ran up the stairs.

"How did you..? He barely even said a word to Izzy and Jace this morning, what did you promise him?" He asked with an accusatory tone to which his friend smirked.

"I've got my ways.." the boy grinned, going back to his TV show.

Alec walked deeper into the living room, laying his stuff on the floor by the wall. "Seriously man, you didn't promise him candy, did you?? You know that stuff-"

"Dude!" Raph groaned and waved a hand over to the small television screen in the living room. "Kinda busy here." Alec scoffed and rolled his eyes at him, punching his shoulder when he walked past his best friend. "And no, of course I didn't promise him candy. I'm not stupid." He said in a duh tone.

"Could've fooled me." Alec smirked, and jumped out of the way from the cushion Raphael tossed at him.

"Shut it you tree." He chuckled at the lame comeback. Raphael was usually really good at comebacks and any insult ever imaginable, so this only meant that whatever Raph was watching on TV must be really interesting.

"No way!" Alec jumped at the sudden shriek from Aline. He saw Raphael scramble for the remote before shutting the screen off. He stood up smoothly, pretending to be cool. "You were watching Riverdale! I told you you'd love that show!!"

"I wasn't, it's just the only thing that was on."

Alec scoffed, causing Raphael to glare at him. He raised his hands in mock surrender and walked over to the kitchen with Helen, leaving his two friends to argue. Well, for Aline to tease while Raphael argued with her in annoyance.

"So, what brought you all here?" Alec leaned against the counter and watched as Helen went over to the stove to heat up the soup they had made. The girl seemed a bit hostile with him, which was starting to make him nervous, and Alec did not cope well under such circumstances. "Helen?" The girl slapped a pile of plates on the counter a bit too loudly, causing Raphael and Aline to suddenly shut up and walk over to them. Aline walked in, standing next to Alec, while Raphael decided to sit on the stools and stare quietly.

"She's kind of pissed at you." Raph said, his tone bored but the way he pierced his eyes into Alec's made it clear he was holding himself back from saying something. Alec was more than confused at the moment.

"Can I know why?" His words were slow and careful. He felt a hand wrap around his and looked down to find Aline smiling at him softly.

"Why didn't yo-"

"We did some digging you know." Helen cut his girlfriend off before Aline could even finish her question. "The past month you've been acting quite strange, we thought you needed some cheering up." The girl continued, serving plates of chicken with a side of mashed potatoes and steamed vegetables. Alec wanted to reach forward and help, but Aline's hold on him was getting quite strong. "So, Ali here thought it would be a great idea if we surprise you at school. After all, you two do share similar time schedules so what harm was there, right?"

Alec sighed, knowing exactly where this was going. "I can expla-"

"Yeah well you don't have to." She finally looked up, and Alec really hoped she hadn't because the look in her eyes was filled with so much repressed sadness and disbelief. Out of all his friends, Helen was the one who always pushed him to finish his education. She always insisted that despite how hard it was, he still had people around that wanted to help him pursue a better future. Helen worked so hard for him to get accepted into college and get all the benefits he received. She knew how much his mom wanted this for him - for all of them - and she set her heart and mind to making it possible. He really hated having disappointed her like this.

"Luke told us everything." He heard Raphael say from behind him. "Did you really think we would never find out?"

"We know you better than anyone else, Alec. You didn't have to hide this from us." Aline's brown eyes stared deeply into his. He really wished he wasn't here right now. Maybe he should've just told Magnus to drive him to the coffee shop he works at, or the auto shop since clearly Raph had closed the place for the rest of the day. Any other place was good enough for him.

"This is the exact reason why I didn't want to tell you in the first place!" He finally snapped, moving away from Aline so he could get a better look at everyone. "I knew you'd over react."

"Dude, we just want to know why you did it." Raphael said defensively. Alec knew that his friend wasn't too happy to hear Alec had given up with College, but he's also the type of guy who wouldn't push him too much about it. _What's done is done_ , he always says.

"And don't say that it was too hard for you." Helen cut in. "We all know you're the smartest person in this room-"

"I'd beg to differ..." Helen glared at Raphael for interrupting her.

"- so clearly you knew what you were doing." She continued, that same angry and sad look in her eyes that kept pulling at something in his chest. "I thought you wanted this. That it was your dream to finish college and-"

"It's never been my dream, Helen!" He snapped, his heart ached from the truth of it all. She stared at him open mouthed, and Aline and Raph stayed silent, waiting to see what happened. "You and I both know that the only reason you worked your ass off to get me into college was for my mom. Because you knew how important this was to her." The girl's eyes filled with tears. Hell, even Raphael and Aline looked down sadly. "I know I'm not the only one here who lost her. She loved every single one of you. She took in Raph when he had nowhere else to go, she was there for Aline in ways we never could when her parents got divorced, and she loved you like a daughter. All of you! And trust me, I _get_ it. I understand why you felt like you had to do something after she died. Why it left you with this nagging thought in your head that you had to make her proud. That's why you set off to send me to college and that's why I went in the first place. But everything I do is for someone else, and I'm just sick of it! For once I just wanted to do something _for me_."

For a while there was nothing but silence, with everyone staring down at their hands or anything that was Alec. The room was suddenly filled with loud footsteps emerging down the stairs in a run, and in no time arrived Izzy, Jace, Max, and the other two who might as well move in already. "Hey guys! Is dinner ready cause man we are hungry as fu-" Raphael did Alec the favor of punching his brother on the arm to stop him from cursing in front of Max. The blond simply groaned and started a brotherly fight with Raphael, to which Alec could see his best friend wasn't putting too much effort. Simon and Max simply stood on the side cheering Raphael on.

"Need help?" Izzy and Clary - both a lot smarter than his brother and Simon - seemed to notice the tension in the room. They walked warily towards Helen, who immediately snapped out of her thoughts and instructed them what to do. After that everything went back to normal. The girls started gossiping about drama, and the guys were breaking stuff in his living room. Alec caught Aline's gaze from where she was gathering more small foldable tables and _knew_ that this conversation was nowhere near over. He definitely should've just come clean about this all sooner.

~

"Here, drink." Alec looked up, a beer being the first thing to catch his gaze. He took it from Raphael's hand, who sighed as he sat down beside him. After dinner, Simon and Jace were left to wash the dishes - apparently they owed Clary and his sister a favor so the girls decided it was time they paid up. He didn't blame them, the kitchen was a mess that would take a while to clean up. Aline and Helen were watching a movie with Max, since his little brother kept insisting. That left him with nothing to do except go outside and clear his head for a while. That's when Raphael apparently decided to join him. Secretly he was glad about that, Alec had a tendency to overthink when he was alone, and it often led down a dangerous and painful route.

"Just say it." Alec groaned out, tired of the silence.

"Say what?" He gave his friend a look to which the older shrugged about. "Look, it's like I told the girls when we found out, you have your reasons. We may not agree with this, but you're not stupid we know that for sure. You'll be fine, maybe college just wasn't for you."

"Or maybe it was and I just totally blew it." Alec sighed, looking back to the street. It was quiet, no cars were passing by and no people were outside. That's what he liked about his home. How quiet and empty it seemed, but behind every door were good families with similar pasts who were just as loud and interesting as his. He got along with everyone, and they had his back just like he had theirs.

"Yeah, maybe." His friend chuckled.

Alec took of sip from his beer and smiled at his friend softly. "To tell you the truth, Raph. I don't know what the hell I'm doing." He was met with silence, meaning his friend was waiting patiently for him to continue. That's what he loved about Raphael, he was a great listener. Advice he might not be that good at, but he had a gift for listening. "It's like I don't have a single original thought. Everything I've ever done was for those kids - and don't get me wrong I love them and I'd kill for them - but sometimes I wonder what my life could've been like if none of this would've happened, if Dad had been, well, a _dad_."

"Life ain't easy man."

"I know it's not." He said, his voice rising slightly. He was getting emotional, and by the looks of it so was Raphael, yet he'd never admit it. "It's just, all this time I've been looking out for them, making sure they were happy and safe, that somewhere along the line I forgot I had to look out for myself as well."

His friend hummed softly in understanding. “Do you remember when we were in high school and Jace had his first breakdown? He couldn't be more than 13 and he knocked 3 kids from his elementary school soccer team on their ass just because they made a stupid silly comment about Simon's glasses." Despite himself, Alec laughed, remembering the look of happiness in Simon's eyes because Jace had defended him. Poor kid used to think the blond hated his guts. "The principal called you, they said Jace kept insisting for you to be there, so I drove us to his school." Alec had no idea where his friend was going with this, but he sat silently waiting to hear what he had to say. "Robert was pissed, he pulled him out of school and we all went back home. That fight... you know, you and Robert always butt heads - even before everything changed. It was little stuff, like him not wanting to give Jace and Izzy ice cream for dessert, or about why he was stuck at work too late, you two always fought, a lot more so after your mom. But this time, this fight, it was different. Something in you just snapped, I saw it. Robert went too far, and you just punched him right in the face. No one saw it coming - hell even you looked surprised." Raph chuckled. "That asshole nearly sent you to the hospital that day. Even I had bruises that lasted a whole month from when I tried to get him off you." Alec remembered that beating, it was the worst one he ever went through. "You made a promise that night, to Jace, remember that?"

"No." Alec replied truthfully, voice strained because the look in Raphael's eyes was just too much.

"Robert was gone, left to the bar just like always. And Jace, he couldn't sleep. He kept crying about how there was something wrong with him because his dad said so. I was walking over to check up on Izzy and Max, when I heard you. You promised for a change. That one day, you'd get those kids out of that house and give them the life they deserved- the life your mother would've wanted for all of you. That same night, you called Luke and Jocelyn, asked them for help. Not long after that, they found a lawyer who told you everything you needed to know in order to win a legal custody trial against Robert. You promised that kid things would change, and you made it happen.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“What I mean is that if you want something, if what you need is a change, then do it. Because you know more than anyone that if you want something to be different, you have to do it yourself. You can’t wait for life to just hand it over to you, because it never will.” Raphael sighed, downing the last few sips of his beer. “Just think about it.” He said, patting him on the back in a brotherly way before standing up and going back inside.

It was true. Everything Raphael just said to him kept repeating in his head over and over again. He made a promise, on his mother’s behalf, that they’d all be happy. But Alec _wasn’t_ happy. He thought he was, he thought that by giving his siblings a better life then that should be enough. But it wasn’t. Not for him. He wanted more from life, he _deserved_ more. Izzy always said he had to give himself credit every once in a while, he should’ve listened. He shouldn’t have ignored the fact that he was still just a kid when everything happened. He was child who had to grow up so fast, who had to be a father at such a young age. Now that they have everything they needed, that their lives were finally falling into place, it’s like a curtain opened right before his eyes. He could see the bigger picture now. He could see that sooner or later his siblings won’t need him anymore, and he has to be ready for when that time comes.

Alec felt like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. Like - ever since he left college, or maybe even longer before that - he could finally breathe. He went for his phone, wondering what time it was. As he was pulling it out of his pocket, a small crumbled piece of paper slid out and fell softly on the wooden stairs. He picked it up and for a while he just stared at it. He stared at the name scribbled in big bold letters, and the phone number written right below it. Alec couldn’t remember when he’d stuffed it in his pocket, or why he didn’t just throw it away. However he was glad he didn’t. Because just staring at it was driving him insane in a way he couldn’t quite understand. A minute passed, with Alec holding tightly onto the piece of paper. The air was getting cooler, blowing his hair back and making the plants around him flutter against each other and creating a soft soothing noise. He didn’t think about what he was doing when he turned on his phone screen and started typing in the number. He didn’t think about it as he pressed the call button, and he sure didn’t even think about what he’d say as the line rang. Until the ringing suddenly stopped and was replaced by the familiar voice of Magnus Bane.

“Hello?” That’s when it hit him. Alec felt like hanging up, like apologizing for wasting his time and promising not to bother him again, but somehow the words just wouldn’t come out. And apparently they didn’t have to. “Wait... Alec?” The tone in his voice was filled with so much confusion and a lump formed in Alec’s throat. How the hell did he even know it was him?

“Uh- Yeah... it’s me.” He stuttered out. Alec’s face felt hot from all the blood that was rushing to his face. He felt so stupid right now. “How- how did you know?”

“That it was you?” Magnus asked in that tone that made Alec picture the amused grin that was most likely on the man’s lips. “This is my private phone, I don’t usually give it out to anyone.”

“You gave it out to me.” He pointed out, feeling less nervous as he took a sip from his beer and tried to keep his cool.

“Something told me you’re not just anyone.” The man said. It managed a smile to spread across Alec’s lips. The line went silent for a while, probably because he was unsure of what to say. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah!” Alec replied a bit too fast. He took in a deep breath before sighing heavily. “Yeah, it’s just... a friend just recently told me that if I wanted a change, that I need to make it happen.” He paused. “You said that if I ever needed anything to call you, right?”

“Yes..” Magnus trailed off in a way that made him sound almost worried Alec was mentally unstable. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine.” Alec smiled, because for the first time in a while he really meant it. “I just- I kind of need your help.”

“Sure, anything you want.” Alec was amazed by how easily Magnus was willing to help him. _Him_ , a complete stranger whom he gave his private phone number to.

“I want to buy a car,” he grinned, proud of himself for coming up with this decision. He wanted a change, so he had to start somewhere. “I thought maybe you could help me.”


End file.
